I took my car through the car wash and, as Im too mean to pay for the SuperWash I just got the �2.99 standard. The swooshy things whizzed around and the car got squirted all over but it was with plain water so I was sat there in the Mondeoshitmachnie thinking "this sucks. my car will NEVER be clean, even with the swooshy things whapping it in that kind of scary way" The the machine thing came over the car again and squirted it all over again and did the swooshy whapping thing again. And THEN, as the "drive away" light came on and the doors opened, the machinery thing went over again, really quickly and squited the car with foam. Then it switched itself off and I had to drive away with a foamy car.
By the time I got back to the office it had kind of dried on so Slave and I had to keep a watch out of the window in case it rained because we were kind of hoping that the car park would turn into somethng like an Ayia Napa Night Club floor and we could have a 'foam party' or whatever they call it where they all get drunk and blow whistles and get their tits out for the lads. I think we both wouldve secretly enjoyed that, although there were no lads to get em out for.
Later in the day, Slave and I discussed the "hard shag" and how this can be a bit tricky if the chap is jolly well endowed. BF and I have worked out a variation so we can still go *mime - a bit like being in a rodeo show but with added Urrrrrruh, Urrrrruh! noises*, without him killing me but it does cause the most incredible 'body farts' - something to do with the alingment of our hips/thighs/stomachs I think - which kind of takes the edge off a bit as you then get the "Urrrruh! Thwuuurk! UrrrrUH! Ferrrrp! UrrrrUH! Pthrrrp!" combo. And of course, the faster you UrrrrUH, the louder (and more amusing) the Pthrrrrp.
As Jooj and Treacle were in the house last night the noise level was starting to get a bit out of hand (especially as we were also laughing quite a lot at the fart noises)so I had to resort to administering the world famous (well, south coast famous!) Stepfordblowjob No great tragedy for me as I love to give head. Oops, TMI? ah, well, you'll get over it.Just for once, I wasnt wearing a comedy outfit/novelty knickers/anything that might be hard to explain if one had to get rescued from a burning building so its nice to know I can still bring about the "smiley, dreamy cum-face" without the aid of props. Yay me!
In other news, I thought Id bring you the first in an occasional series of "My Fucking Stupid Co-Workers and How I Cant Believe The Shite That Flies Out of Their Mouths". I TOTALLY distance myself from every single one of their moronic, sexist, homophobic utterings but post them here rather so that you can see that, outside this friendly and multicultural idyll that is Diaryland, there are many and several people who should never EVER be allowed to reproduce. I was a bit busy this afternoon so these are THIS MORNINGS entries ONLY. I apologise unreservedly if I cause offence by reproducing these gems here. Those who know me will know that I have had to restrain myself in the office today.
a) Chinese food isnt nutritious. They dont know about vegetables, they only have peppers. Oh, apart from lentils, they eat those and they're good for you. Indian food is really bad for you. Thats why they all die young. If you eat curry every day your digestion cant cope with it.
b) All black people are gay. Thats why they have AIDS (*I swear I was up out of my chair and my fist was already pulled back at that one*)
c) Training shoes arent designed for hard floors
d) I didnt want to get white paint. Its not as good as the coloured paint. Thats why its so much cheaper.
Ive depressed myself just writing that shit down. Im sorry. I have to go now. Comment me and tell me never to do it again and I wont.
I love you all
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