BF is watching telly. yes. REALLY. That means its something about consiracy theories which is enough to send me galloping from the room with my hands clamped over my ears, shrieking "I dont care if it WAS the fucking CIA, I'm. NOT. INTERESTED!"
He only ever watches programmes about conspiracy theories. Actually, he did once watch a documentary about the Spanish inquisition and book burning in Venice but I think that was a fluke. I think he was just waiting for someone to suggest maybe JFK had a hand in it. Or it was something to do with Princess Diana. His best ever telly programme would be one with Roswell, the moon landings, Princess Di, 9/11 and JFK. And maybe some naked chicks wrestling in jelly.
Anyway, that gives me some time to sit here in the studio, write a few comments, read a few diaries and rant about my birthday party which is turning into one of those logistics nightmares that is sure to bring on stress-alopecia, or hives or Bells Palsy or something, just SECONDS before the first guests arrive. So that I have to sweep majestically down the stairs in my party frock, bald, blotchy and drooling out of the corner of my mouth.
I love parties. And I love organising stuff. I stupidly thought that the best way to have a stress-free birthday party was to not organise anything and just let everything flowwwww, man. What rot! The best way to have a stress free birthday party is to organise the hell out of everything so that there is nothing left to chance. Sadly, I have on this occasion, realised this a little too late and am now left with some SERIOUS Weapons-Grade Organising to do if it is to be a success.
As I was skiving still poorly today, I was able to get a few more things out of the way and the list of 'stuff I can tick off' is getting longer: the hog is now paid for (for the hog roast) much to the disgust of my credit card, I have sourced a credible vegetarian alternative to 'dead pig on a stick' for those of a nervous disposition, I have bought beer, wine, alcopops and mixers (just the spirits to get at the weekend), I have ordered the glasses and done the "may I borrow...." phoning. I have planned (but not yet ordered) the flowers.
Whilst it was a most excellent idea to invite friends from far and wide, it was not a good idea to not first have a plan of where they might all sleep. This I have now done and they should all be able to slumber in relative comfort. If anyone reading this and intending to stay over hasnt told me that they intend to stay over they better do so PDQ or they could end up shivering under a blanket in the gazebo!
In short, I have done what I do, which is to take charge. Before the weekend is out I will have done some sort of chart-type thing (if only in my head) of who is doing what when, so that all temporary structures are erected in time and at the correct locality, all people needing picking up from the station are picked up from the right station, at the right time and that all comestibles are edible at the correct time and temperature (and with the correct condiments). Poor BF.
Whilst I am aware that this is going to make me sound like a total twat, I am stressing out somewhat about not being able to source paper napkins in the correct colour. Its bad enough that we are having to HAVE paper napkins (I refuse to even say the word 'serviette') in the first place as they are surely a science of the devil, but this is not a formal party and besides, I do not have that many REAL napkins and am not about to start hand-hemming fifty squares of fine damask, hand dyed to the correct shade and matched to Pantone.
I think Im obsessing over the napkins as this is the first BIG party Ive hosted since Ive been with BF - Ive had a few with 30+ guests, but this one is looking more like 60+ and I just dont have the disposable income at my..umm...disposal, to be able to do the sort of things I used to do way back when. Ive lost count of the number of times over the last few weeks that Ive thought "Oh! I wish I had the money for this, or that" or "wouldnt it be cool if we could...." etc etc. I feel a bit like Im doing things on a shoestring and dont want to feel like that, especially as its my 40th and hell, Im only going to be 40 once. Ive told myself (and anyone who I think might be taken in by it!)that its all going to be very low-key and casual and cool and rock and roll but *whispers* I secretly DO want the ice-carving swan, and the ten foot high chocolate fountain and everyone dressed up to the nines in their best bib and tucker and fantastic food that I havent had to cook and me in the middle of it all being fabulous and looking not a day over 39-and-three-quarters. Instead, I am cooking a pig in my bad garden for the delectation of my lovely friends who have been asked to wear jeans and bring a coat in case it gets cold. ::sigh::
Im also slightly concerned about the blend of chums. Im worried that the friends who are like us will be horrified at how many friends we've got who arent like us. And Im worried that the friends who arent like us will be afraid at having to deal with so many people, in one place, at one time who are like us. Cos generally speaking, the only people they know like us, are us.
I hope the 'habituals' will have a bit of respect for the 'recoverings' and that my Real Life friends who read this (and there are quite a few) will know what's OK in my house and what's not. If they dont, they better ask me quick!
On a more cheerful note, we have some TOP musicians in attendance and Im hoping beyond hope that at least some of them will remain sober for long enough to play a few songs and generally scare the neighbours. If not, it will be 80s cheese all round and All Right Now on the hour every hour. Its my party and I'll rock out if I want to.
Yours, with new jeans in the cupboard (but still wistfully stroking the cocktail dresses)