Smash is here! (Entry soon to be deleted by very angry stepfie)
2008-03-01, 11:12 p.m.
Hey you fuckerz!It is I, Smash in the house!
Poor Stepfie really can�t be arsed writing an entry is overworked and I, as only a gentleman can, agreed to step in and write an entry on her behalf.
I did start this entry yesterday, when Chad and I were getting very drunk as I forced asked him to contribute too, but now, in my slightly more sober state I realise it umm� didn�t really make sense.
Ah well!
I have just spoken to Stepfie on the phone actually. I took it as a compliment when she informed me that at the beginning of the call she was stood upright, and near the end of it she was laying down on the hall floor, presumably my dulcet tones made her weak at the knees and conjured up all kinds of amorous intents.
Stepfie, from the wings: No, I am just tired, you CUNT!
Ooh-oh!
I must admit though to being frightfully surprised (frightfully? Someone�s been at the Enid Blyton�s again) at realising it is now almost a year since I have seen Stepfie and BF.
A year!
I can only hope that the intervening 12 months (and numerous bottles of scotch) have dulled Stepfie�s mind and she now vaguely remembers me as some dashing, suave and sophisticated rockerdude who is a walking advert for L�Oreal hair products.
That means, if I never visit her again, I can die and have someone believe that I was sexy.
Cue in the violins�
No, seriously! I�m sure I am only regarded as fookable cos of my height�
Hell, get the cellist in here, too!
And huge dick.
Fiddlers three, enter.
Thass not fair!
All we need now is Old King Cole.
Oh FOOK OFF!!!
Seriously, though. Phone conversations with Stepfie are BRILLIANT. She is my absolutely favourite person for chatting with over the phone because we can end up absolutely pissing ourselves for ten minutes at a time over the most ridiculous things.
Like Parsnips.
Up the woo-hoo.
Stepfie and I are planning to steal Andrew Lloyd Webber�s crown as musical genius with our brand spanking new musical.
Yup, you guessed it!
It�s called� �Parsnips up the Woo-Hoo! � The Musical!�
Naturally I would tell you what it is about, but the storylines are to remain a secret until opening night, lest some rat-bastard steal our brilliant ideas.
It will go hand in hand with my new Hollywood movie� A brilliant piece which is already being hailed as the most intellectual, thought-provoking classic piece of the century:
As you can see, I toiled many an hour to write the screenplay, and from the title alone you will obviously understand the intricacies and multi-faceted storyline opportunities such a movie can promise.
Damn, I�m good.
Okay. So I promised Chad his fifteen minutes of fame on a diary that wasn�t mine. He and I got very drunk last night, and were playing Need For Speed Underground (yeah, you guessed it, a car street racing game) and I promised him he could write something. (I didn�t have to force him in the end, he was more than eager, so here you go. I�ve not even attempted to correct any spelling errors, haha.)
Heya!!! Chad here and I am a fuckin drunk right now but smash is here and trying to write something so I said I wanted to say something too but now I cant think of anything to say! How mad is fuckin that!!! Me and the smash dude went out for a drive earler before we got drunk and it was cool lots of smoke and fun you know. I love my brother smash cos he is cool and I love you guys too.. I know I don�t klnow you but I saw your comments when I wrote in smashs diaryonce and you were kind dudes and dudettes so come sya hey will ya? Ok I go now cos am too piss to say more!!!
No really. In a previous incarnation he was Christopher Marlowe.