newsy mcnewsface
2016-05-06, 11:02 p.m.
I already posted an edited version of this post on The Traintown Songbook faceb00k page so, if you know me on there, you might have already seen today’s breaking news. Pretty sure I wont be ‘trending’ any time soon but as I’m not really clear on what trending actually is, I don’t know that Id notice if I was. Does it hurt?“Tomorrow morning I’m going into hospital to have an operation which I hope will fix the Vocal Cord Paralysis which has meant that I have been barely able to speak, let alone sing, since before Christmas. I have been told that the nerve damage and paralysis is permanent but I am having an implant put into the paralysed (left) side which should ‘boost’ the vocal cord on that side and, hopefully, will mean that I will start to sound more like my old self and less like a Joe Pasquale tribute act.
The last five months have been hellish all round – you don’t realise how much you sing just in your daily life (in the shower/whilst driving/singing along to the radio etc etc etc) until you cant do it any more – so I’m pinning quite a lot on tomorrow’s operation.
Please think positive thoughts for me – it would mean a lot to me/us to know that there are people wishing for a successful outcome.”
If you are desperate to know a bit more of the lengthy ‘back-story’ of how I ended up with the nerve damage/paralysis in the first place, you can read all about it
But you must promise you wont do some dumb shizzle like stalking me on Fb00k and using my D’land name there. First Rule of Diaryland etc etc etc. Seriously though, I WILL come round your house and put dog poo through your letter box if you do something indiscrete. Please. *panicking now* Please. Thanks. Please.
In other news, Kryptonite has gone to Florida on holiday with Mrs Kryptonite so I have had nobody (ie no man) to talk to for two whole weeks………………….apart from L who doesn’t count as ‘shouting at someone about their general ineptitude and inability to ASK if you want to BORROW my CAR!’ is not the same as being told you are pretty by someone else’s husband, even if said someone else’s husband IS a player and likely says that to ALLLLLLL the girls, pretty or not! Thanks awfully to the chaps who have emailed/messaged in the weesmas/texted etc – you have joined the ranks of Best Besties and your efforts have been very much appreciated
*xoxoxoxoxoxoxox*
(that’s me, hugging you lots and kissing your collective handsome faces)
I have, of course, messaged Kryptonite in an inappropriate way (but only ONCE!) while he’s been away because a) I am an idiot b) I feel strangely territorial about my crushes and don’t like them to be having fun without me (ie don’t bother with the whole ‘my wife doesn’t understand me’ thing if you’re not expecting me to take your side. Oh, and BTW, I think your wife understands you only TOO WELL, you dirty dawg) and c) I found a ‘Daniel Craig walking out of the surf’ gif that was just crying out for an inappropriate message for someone enjoying a pleasant family beach holiday.
It also meant I got to look at a gif of Daniel Craig walking out of the surf about 50 bazillion times. Which is nearly enough times for someone who hasn’t had sex since Moses was a little lad.
Off topic completely, or maybe not as I WAS talking about men and their ability to make me shout “YESSSSSSSS!” and throw my hands in the air, do you think it would be wrong of me to try to score some football tickets from an ex colleague who works for my local team? I haven’t spoken to her since we worked together a couple of years back but we are chatty friends on Fb00k and she IS a nice lady. One of her friends had a spare ticket for the match on Sunday and I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t be able to go, what with the whole ‘general anaesthesia tomorrow’ thing, but I’m thinking of messenging her and asking if she ever had a ticket in the future……
What do you think? Is it a cheek? For added cheekiness, I’m thinking of playing the cancer card here, too, as I think it would make her consider me more kindly and I REALLY do want to go to the football and it really IS too expensive for me to justify buying tickets anytime soon (around £40 EACH for me and L!)
Here’s a picture of another good reason to go and watch the football
GRAZIAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNO! Mmmmmm *drools*
Right. This isn’t getting the baby bathed. And by ‘baby’ I mean me, and by ‘bathed’ I mean ‘taking a shower with hibiscrub and removing all my make up and nail varnish because Day Surgery nurses hate anyone to look pretty’. Don’t bother telling me the real reasons why I have to go into hospital ‘au naturel’, I already know. It just suits my purpose to put my own special brand of narcissistic spin on any given situation because a) I am an idiot and b) it is better than admitting that I am old and bald and sick and the antithesis of hotness right now.
I want to be back here at the end of the weekend, telling you about how the operation was a complete success so y’all need to start with the positive vibes pretty much RIGHT NOW or Imma hold you all responsible. Even you, there, at the back.