More cancer, under the left collar bone, and some still hanging about on the right hand side too.
Chest oedema - so painful, my friends, so very painful. Lots of pain meds just to dull things a bit.
Chemo starts this week for 18 weeks. Hoping it will 'control' the cancer (theyve stopped saying 'cure'.)
Chronic insomnia - 2 - 3 hours of sleep per night, max.
Paralysed vocal chords likely to be permanent. Cant sing. Currently crying about that on a daily basis.
Crying about all sorts of other things, too. Currently have two men competing for my affections. Neither one is my husband. I crave the attention but am sticking to my "err.....Im MARRIED!" principles. Its difficult, tho, when I know I could get the affection I want.....but I cant.
Want to write more here - its very cathartic, but my energy levels are very low. Im sorry. I miss you, diaryland.
Feeling quite sorry for myself and really really really dont want to die. I do know thats not going to happen this week (or next, or the week after)but Im also realistic enough to know Im unlikely to make old bones.
So much more to say, but I just cant. Im sorry. Im sick and Im tired and that never goes away at the moment.
I do love you all tho.
later
s