Firstly, obvs, I got a new sarcasm chip for Christmas.
Shit has gone down in The Palace of Many Sins, and all the shit has been shitty shit. In the pre-christmas run-up, L decided to get off his keyster and actually do a days work (at a music store/studio place) but only ONE day before he decided that it wasn’t worth his while seeing as he’d had to pay tax on his earnings and drive to the place and oh-it-was-all-too-much-trouble. There are still a couple of irons (OK, not ‘irons’…..’paperclips’? ‘unbent staples’? whatever) tentatively in the fire but let’s not hold our breath on that one, huh?
Holding one’s breath would deffo be a dumbass thing to do atm, as my health has taken an interesting turn, fersure. On the last day of term (18th) my voice just kind of fizzled and died, and it has resolutely refused to come back in any kind of recognisable form since then. This is a worrisome little sidebar for someone who regularly earns a pleasant little second income from her half-decent singing voice. In addition, I have constant chest pain of varying types. If you would like to experience some or all of them, I would respectfully suggest:
a) swim underwater until you feel your lungs are about to burst, then swim another half a length, just to be on the safe side.
b) Play a full game of field hockey, in the snow, when your team is two or three players down so you have to run a lot more than usual. Oh, and the pitch is on a hill and you’re playing uphill. Both halves.
c) Take an iron and heat it to “Linen, Very Creased”. Press against sternum. When sizzling stops, sprinkle liberally with salt.
d) Let a massively fat person sit on your face, when they are slightly too drunk (or impolite) to take a little of the weight on their knees. Remove any sexual connotations from the experience and double the inability to breathe.
e) Recall, if you can, that mind bending post-partum event “the day your milk came in”. Recollect the OMIFUCKINGODMYBOOBSAREGONNABURST feeling but, instead of a soothing layer of cabbage leaves to relieve the discomfort, stuff your nursing bra with stinging nettles.
No, no, you’re welcome. Im happy to share. The oncologist brought my CT scan forward and confirmed there was ‘nothing sinister’ going on (which means no more cancer – at least for a while!) and then says this ‘might’ last ‘a while’ but that she doesn’t know for sure. My GP has generously stumped up a massive crate of codeine and sleeping pills and I guess I just have to ride it out, huh?
You’d think that a couple of pre-christmas parties would take the edge of the shitty, huh? But nope, it wasn’t to be.
Party #1: The Works Christmas Do. A pleasant enough dinner-and-dance type thing, but I couldn’t dance because even the first few bars of Love Shack left me breathless and pretty much in need of an iron lung. Oh, and I’d got a lift because L needed the car but my ride wanted to go home before it was even 10 o clock. Hardly a riotous night out.
Party #2: The Theatre Annual Hoolie. Really nice to catch up with some old friends but
I
Got
SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
Drunk.
Omigod, SO drunk.
L came to pick me up and I had to hang my head out of the window of the car on the way back, so I could spew. It was beyond gross and I had a full two day hangover afterwards. I should be ashamed of myself.
Maybe not quite as ashamed as Kryptonite though, who kissed me goodbye with much more….ummm….MORE, than is appropriate with another man’s drunk wife.
L waited until three days later to tell me that he had seen. Then there was a difficult conversation. I *think* we’ve fixed it now. Mostly because I really didn’t do anything wrong, and I AM a married woman, and that DOES mean a lot to me. Despite all the indications to the contrary.
There’s a lot of things missing from my life right now, Diaryland. And a lot of things that I need. But an affair isn’t one of them, thanks very much.
Later
S
X
PS I forgot to mention, that play I was in? Yeh, I got nominated for an award: Best Actress in a Comedy, in the local theatrical equivalent of The Oscars. Yay me! Will let you know if I win :-)
back - forth