The Dangerspouse made me do it, yer Honour!
2014-11-04, 10:06 p.m.
So anyway. I was just MINDING MY OWN DAMN BUSINESS, when along comes dangerspouse all up in my grill, nagging me to update, even though Im technically STILL SICK and supposed to be taking it easy and all that shizzle.Luckily I am still a little bit in awe of his pan collection and still kind of laughing about that time he got a tree stuck through his bedroom window, so I guess he knows he can nag me into it as I am a dumbass giggly girl when it comes to men speaking to me a bit sternly from 3000 miles away and I always do as Im told, lest I get a spanking.
Im back at work now, as of yesterday, and am already distinctly underwhelmed at being there, especially as its dark when I leave the house at 06:30 and dark when I get home again at 18:30 which just makes a body miserable, don�t it? Other things that make a body miserable include not being able to stretch my stupid �post-op� arms around to my back to be able to do up the zip on my dress this morning and having to drive to work with the zip undone. Then I had to scuttle into school with my jacket on and find a friendly soul to fasten me up. Luckily the Family Support lady was in and she�s used to the sort of wardrobe malfunctions that come with working at a school (disintegrating shoes, trouser-seat rips, loss of socks, pasta sauce/school shirt mishaps etc) so she wasn�t even slightly fazed by colleagues appearing in her office half-dressed.
I�ll just briefly touch on how Grapetree have been underpaying me for seven months and Hampshire County Cunty have �mislaid� four months worth of travel expenses and how I had to tell the Headteacher yesterday that, if he didn�t sort it out by the end of the week that I actually couldn�t afford to come to work any more (That�s actually true. I have less than �300 left of this months salary and my petrol to drive to work costs �70/week). He hadn�t realised how bad it had got and has promised me it�ll be fixed by Friday. I would hold my breath but Im not sure a blue face would go with my outfit. There�s other �pay and conditions� related bollocks, too, but its too boring to go into in any detail so instead I�ll show you a picture of the massive cake I made for Halloween:
I got a special baking pan from a brokantiewinkel when I was in Bruges at the end of August but all the instructions were in German so I hadn�t tried it out until now as my German�s a bit rusty and I thought I might balls it up but my German friend and her kids have been holidaying with my folks so I was able to get my hand (ear?) in a bit and remember some funny little quirky bits of German that I�d forgotten (like �Pf� meaning �500g�) and stuff like that. Of course, I could�ve just shown the instructions to Simone while she was here but that would be admitting defeat and she would have laughed heartily at me as she is a piss-taking moo in the way that only someone who has known you for 40+ years and is like a little sister to you, can do. It was fun watching her squirm when I started to tell a story about us getting shitfaced in a club in London and then realising that she was only 13 at the time and her kids were saucer eyed with surprise/horror/wonder.
I drove them all up to London last week so they could do the touristy things. Im pretty sure I shouldn�t have driven that far as I was still, technically, off sick but nobody else wanted to do the drive (being the London-phobic pussies that they are) and the train was just too bloody expensive.
We went up in my Mazda so the kids complained all the way up that they were uncomfortable in the back. Cant have been that uncomfortable as they both fell asleep before we�d even got out of Richmond on the way back and didn�t wake up til I got to my parents house in Southampton.
In other news (and by �other� I mean �things I don�t really want to write about�), the honeymoon period with L and his drinking (or his �not drinking�) seems to be over and, even though he�s definitely not drinking like he was before he went into hospital, he is definitely drinking. Ive tried telling him that he�s so much lovelier without it but he just gets pissy with me and we�ve barely spoken for a couple of days. That might possibly be because I screamed at him last night, something along the lines of �and when it does finally kill you, Im going to have them change your Death Certificate to �suicide� because that�s what it�ll be, you stupid cunt. Youre choosing to drink yourself to death�. Funnily enough, that didn�t go down too well.
I don�t really mind him not being teetotal, I just want him to drink at a �normal� level. And by �normal� I mean , some days not actually drinking at all and some days having a drink and not lying about how much he�s had. Fucking hell, Ive depressed myself now.
See why I haven�t updated, Dangerspouse? Its cos there�s fuck-all to say!
I was pretty sure I already had an entry half written on my laptop somewhere but when I searched I could only find a document called �Joe Pasquale Joke�, which refers to this:
I bloody love Stewart Lee and even if you don�t know who he is, or who Joe Pasquale is, its still a bloody good joke.
Enjoy!