Two days, two entries! Oh My MummyFlippin Geeee! Click back for a nice picture of Me and L and to hear me whining about how I hardly update, should you so desire.
Tim reminded me in my comments of a universal truth. Men cant do clingfilm. L would rather wrap his sandwiches in a pair of tramps underpants than attempt to tear off a length of clingfilm. I have even seen telly chefs (Yes. That is a plural!) spread it out on the counter-top and cut it with a knife � Gordon Ramsay, Im looking at you, you foulmouthed cunt. Next time youre tearing someone a new one and making them cry because they fucked up a bit of cooking, lets remember that its YOU who cant cover leftovers before putting them in the fridge, shall we? Hmm? HMMMM??
I don�t mind that men can�t do clingfilm, There are so many other options available � Tupperware, a dish-with-plate-as-a-lid combo, tinfoil, whatever makes you happy, chaps. Just don�t mangle the fuck out of the clingfilm (especially by leaving a 40 mile long, 2� wide taper wound round the roll so that I don�t stand a chance of rectifying your cackhandedness without a couple of hours picking and scraping and having to wear my glasses).
Men can do so many other wonderful things that girls cant do. Their ability to accurately replicate the noises of various ballistic weaponry (machine gun, rifle, cowboy pistol sending a bullet richocheting off a rock) has me awestruck. Girls can�t do gun noises. I�ve checked. None of my girlfriends can make gun noises. They would all go �DUHLALALALALAAA!�,�TuUH, TuUH, TuUH!� and �Peeeyoi-oi-oi!� respectively. Even L can do a passable AK47 if pressed. But fellas - Step away from the clingfilm. Clingfilm dexterity and penis ownership are not compatible lifestyle choices.
Retro Sandwich Science Guy that I was talking about last time isn�t making a whimsical style statement. He�s just a hamfisted dolt. Possibly.
One thing that he IS jolly good at is Science, seeing as he�s a Science teacher and all. He certainly would have been able to tell Tim the difference between greaseproof paper (super-low porosity) and baking parchment (coated for non-stickness with silicon or other chemicals). Unfortunately that wasn�t on the syllabus today. What WAS on the syllabus was balancing chemical equations and drawing shell diagrams and all other kinds of clever chemistry shenanigans, which would naturally have been a cinch for him, what with all the �Science Teacher� stuff he does. Unfortunately, he wasn�t teaching his science lesson today because he was in a meeting so they gave his science lesson to me! Yay! Much as I watch enormous amounts of Brainiac, Im not exactly what you�d call a scientist, even though I do look pretty good in a white coat, especially if Im carrying a clip-board and sucking playfully on the end of a pencil. Sadly ersatz-porno-scientist wasn�t what was called for today and I had to (very much) pretend that I knew what I was talking about. Later in the day RSSG caught up with me and asked me how the lesson had gone. He asked me if Id had to help them much with the worksheet. He�s new to teaching. I told him I thought it was important that the students attempted the work unaided so that they would be able to peer assess how much of the previous lesson they�d retained and that I hoped Id created a classroom climate which allowed for failure as a way of measuring what new skills had to be reinforced. I thought that sounded better than �No. I didn�t help them because the work was too hard for me.� I don�t mind telling you, but I don�t want him to know I�m a twat. And anyway, I knew loads of the periodic table bits � way more than they did. No, �P� is NOT Potassium, you ninny - and I knew that a little 6 down the bottom meant �hexa� something.
Maybe joistmonkey will tell me what the big long list that goes �K, Na, Ca, Mg� etc is called. I know I had to learn it at school and still can recall bits of the stupidly complicated mnemonic I used to remember the order, but I can�t remember what its for. Is it something to do with reactivity? Don�t ask me how I remember the �Al, Zn, Fe, Sn� (or is it Al, Sn, Fe, Zn?) bit. It�s something to do with Alan wearing a fez. And there�s gold in there somewhere too. Near the end I think. Or possibly in them thar hills.
Oh, and this is quite useful, too, should you happen to be thirsty in the lab:
Little Timmy took a drink,
But he will drink no more,
For what he thought was H2O,
Was H2SO4.
Don�t judge me. At least I can work clingfilm.
Later
S
x
PS My co-worker today, pissed off at a student, told him to move seats as he was being a nuisance. He protested, saying "aww, come ON!", to which she replied without thinking "Dont 'come on' ME!". Cue hilarity.
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