Using the word 'vagina' to humorous effect.
2013-04-14, 11:15 p.m.
So! Apart from things that have never been used before, what�s new?Ive got to go back to work tomorrow and, much as I love getting sworn at by 12 year olds, I kinda just want to stay at home a bit longer please. Easter holidays is a weird one. Its long enough for me to think Ive forgotten how to do my job and that I will go into class tomorrow and just stare at the kids, with my mouth open, but its not quite long enough for that �new term, new start� feeling that I get when I go to school in September after the summer hols.
I don�t think it helps that we have a two week timetable, either. Some classes I only take once every two weeks so, with the holiday, there are kids that I haven�t seen for four weeks. I really cant remember what I was teaching them last time (Year 7 Citizenship � Im looking at you!)��I think it was something to do with Community and Diversity, but that does cover pretty much the whole of the Citizenship curriculum so I might just be clutching at straws!
Oh, apart from the bit of the curriculum which requires me to teach Sex Ed, that is. In Year 9 (14 year olds) its taught in single sex classes so Ive got the boys at the moment, having had the girls last term. If you have never discussed an@l sex with gobby teenage boys, you should. Once you have done that you can do ANYTHING! Seriously. NOTHING embarrasses me any more. Last lesson the boys were struggling to create something which would inform and educate other 14 year olds about safe sex and how HIV is contracted/develops. They didn�t want to make a leaflet or a factsheet and a poster was somehow unlikely ever to get displayed so they settled on writing a rap. Which they then performed for the rest of the class. I defy you to keep a straight face, dear d�land, when faced with homies bustin� out rhymes like �Dude, if you�re a minor, keep away from that vagina.� Other rhyming couplets were more conventional (protected/infected etc) but Im pretty sure that, should that particular ditty make it into the Top 40, Miley Cyrus might have something to say about the way in which her good name was abused to obtain a suitable rhyme for �transferable virus�.
L was gigging last week so I went along to guest for them. Only a couple of songs but I still got some nice comments which is always good to hear. Having seen the photographic evidence I do conclude, however, that the skin tight dress with all-over collage pattern of images of Barbie may have been a mistake. At least until I lose a bit of weight. I looked like I had somehow got stuck inside a bouncy castle.
I looked old, too. Puffy and frumpy and old. I need to get a few pounds off me, especially as my hair is looking rather fabulous these days, having grown itself, unbidden, into a Marilynesque confection of bouncy blonde curls. My hair is too cool for me.
I have a gig on 21st April, for which I think I will just have to remain unflatteringly porky, but then I also have one on 5th May and I really ought to be able to do a little something about my portliness by then, oughhtn�t I? Trouble is, I lack�.I lack ::something::�which would enable me to do so. Im not sure what that something is - staying power? Possibly, but I do think that my metabolism has changed somewhat since I had cancer. Maybe its something to do with the �instant menopause� thing. Joint pain and overall stiffness make it a bit of a bloody effort to do any more exercise than lift another cake to my mouth and, �feeling a bit miserable� has led to prolongued bouts of baking (my therapy of choice, seeing as I cant afford�ummm�a therapist!), and its all a bit miserable and grump making and unlovely.
I depressed myself earlier today, reading some of my diary entries from 2006 where I was altogether more shagadelic and full of bouncy fun.
Meh
L told me �Dave has put a brilliant photo of you up on F@cebook�, but I looked and could only find one of a fat inappropriately-dressed old lady, grimacing into a microphone with a look on her face of a Japanese teenage porn actress enduring a facial.
Japanese porn is unpleasant. Nobody EVER looks like theyre enjoying themselves. I hope that�s not true.
Hanging around with teenagers has resulted in me learning some splendid new idioms, fersure.
I recommend to the house the use of the phrase �freeboobin� it�, meaning �to go without a brassiere�.
Im also quite fond of the epithet �dick-punch�, referring to an individual so odious that a kick to the groin would be too generalised, and what he really deserves is a punch. In the dick.
Jooj had a party on Friday night but I haven�t taken the photos off my camera yet so you cant see em. That�s a shame, and I shall remedy that at the earliest juncture.
L is watching the golf. The background music is Paulo Nuntini�s �Candy�which seems somehow wrong to me�unless someone was having some kind of pun-based amusement with the phrase �youre my diamond in the rough�
This makes me laugh
In case you were wondering, I live in the bit marked The Seaside.