Annotated Diagrams (for Controlled Assessment)
2012-07-30, 9:36 p.m.
I don�t know what�s worse, dear readers. Not having internet access which lasts longer than it takes to shout �OMIGOSH! The internet�s back on�oh, hang on, its gone again.�, or not having time sufficient in which to document in written word even a morsel of any import, that one might then impart to gentle readers in domiciles far removed from ___shire (Yep, Ive been reading Charlotte Bronte � what of it? Hmm? Hmm? Well, shut up then.).In the interests of being able to post this before I get too old to remember how to use a laptop (ie next Tuesday, by my current reckoning), I might have to cut the witty narrative to a minimum and just do the �annotated photograph� thing so beloved of Controlled Assessment assignments. Anyone working in UK education will know that annotated diagrams and pictures don�t count towards one�s final word count so, by posting only pictures with explanations, I haven�t actually written a proper entry at all. If I haven�t actually written an entry at all, there will be nothing to post. By �not posting� at all, I hope to outwit the internet and to cause it not to fall over in spectacular fashion and make me want to hurl the laptop out of the window with a cry of OHYOUFUCKINGPIECEOFSHITJUSTWORKORFORTHELOVEOFGODEXPLODEINMYFACE ANDPUTMEOUTOFMYMISERYYOUBASTARD(or at least to ram it up Richard Branson�s Virgin Media arse which should, by happy coincidence, wipe that smug smile off his face at least!). Bitter? *pshaw* Don�t know what you�re talking about, old pip!
Annotated picture it is, then.
Jooj had her prom. She was beyond lovely in her slate grey mini-crini
�although, it did take two of us to do up her frock. Brace, Jooj. BRACE!
Because I am a jealous dumbass (Waaaah! My kids are pretty and thin and I am an ugly old heifer!) and because Im in a band now (Yep. I totally am. Im going to tell you that every chance I get, so get used to it.) I stupidly tried to recapture some of my mis-spent youth by revisiting �blue mascara� as a wearable look. Oh, and teaming it with �blue eyeliner�. I am ashamed (and proud, in equal measures) to say that the bit that took the longest, in achieving this look, was the amount of time it took to chip away ALL of the black mascara I have put on since my eyelashes grew back (two coats/day x 60 days (approx) = half a dozen MASSIVELY thick, rock hard, triangular �cluster lashes� so heavy that I sometimes have to throw back my head in a pretend guffaw just to get up enough momentum to flick my eyelids open. Don�t be shocked by that � before I got cancer, the last time I had taken off ALL my mascara was�..ummm�����no, sorry, I cant remember). Anyway, I did the whole turquoise thing and the eventual effect was as if someone had strategically shaved a bulldog and entered it in a �Princess Diana circa 1987� contest. I could only bring myself to take a picture of one eye, as evidence, and I am ashamed to say that I am vain enough to have photoshopped some of my own wrinkles out. Not all of them (as I am not very good at photoshop) but enough for you not to look at it and instantly think of a turquoise Shar-pei. Well, you might still think that, but it would be MOST uncharitable of you.
As I had some time on my hands and no kids in tow, sucking my lifeblood asking me to buy them stuff, I had a little wander around Chigley. Mostly window shopping fersure, as I am poor as a church mouse who has lost all his cheese in a ill-advised game of mouse poker against an unscrupulous town mouse. In a cravat. Scored SUCH a hit in TK Maxx tho � judicious rummaging led to me claiming my prize of a Clements Ribeiro skirt for �3 instead of �184. yep. Check out the photographic evidence!
Its just a cotton summer skirt, but I couldn�t have bought the fabric and made it myself for three quid ferchristsake! Anyone who would pay �184 for a cotton summer skirt is welcome to come to my house and sit on my sofa while I sew them a custom sized version in a fabric of their choice. It will take me about an hour and I�ll give you a bit of cakey while you wait. You will need to keep your strength up to yank that big wad of tenners out of your purse.
Onwards and upwards. We have also had houseguests (or guest), in the shape of GG,
Ls songwriting partner from the 1990s. They�d kind of fallen out when L married his first wife and although they were kind of reconciled when L and I got married (and they came to our wedding), what with them living so far away in the wilds of Scotland and all, this was pretty much the first time they�d got together for a decent amount of time for about 20 years or so. He stayed with us for a couple of days and its been lovely to see L taking a big step backwards in time and do the sort of thing he loved to do. GG talked as though they had never been apart and gave L many and several gentle kicks up the backside with regard to his witing and playing. I think its done L the world of good. I like how L looks in this pic, he looks full of life, which is something Ive not seen in his face for a little while. It was taken at a bit of a funny angle (as I was lying, slightly drunk, on the sofa) which makes it look like I have scant regard to the straightness of my picture hanging!
Once GG had been stuffed with food and availed of our hospitality, it was time for me to cram in a wee holiday before the start of the last bit of my cancer treatment (I hope!), so I beetled off to Sissy�s for a two day sojourn, whence the sun did immediately commence shining (on the righteous, presumably!) and where there were allotments to be admired
Note the figure of Sissy, discretely acknowledging my presence. Or possibly waving her dopey arms about like a loon from the entrance to the poly tunnel. Sissy is an allotment QUEEEEEEEN and grows all kind of yummy things which are too expensive to buy in normal people shops. Like kohl rabi, and black radish, and stripey tomatoes and tiny yellow courgettes and raspberries and oh, there�s just too much to mention and it is all delicious, especially when we are back at Sissy�s and have made VERY generous White Lady cocktails to drink before supper. BiL is up at the Olympics, doing special important Olympics work and he got back much later than we thought he would. This, of course, meant that many and several White Ladies had been drunken and many and several slightly pink ladies were also pretty drunken. See!
Oh! I dyed my hair! I forgot to tell you. It is a nice colour, I think, being the colour of a person�s actual real-life hair and not the colour of golden syrup or hilighter pen or anything else which has a colour which is not supposed to be applied to hair. Mmm, Nice n Easy 102. Gooooooood!
We went to Horsham during the day and there was a jolly useful park-and-ride and a little caf� where we got scrambled eggs and Welsh Rarebit for lunch. At some point in the afternoon after we had admired some crockery in a kitchenware shop we admitted to each other, with heavy hearts indeed, that it is likely that we will still be doing these pleasant little afternoon jaunts together for the next thirty years or so, with ever more emphasis on finding places that serve tea with a cup and saucer and where the loos are clean. �If I ever suggest lunch in a garden centre, you will shoot me, wont you?� Sissy implored.
I employed a similar caveat to the wearing of a pack-a-mac and we went and got an icecream.
Next day was boiling hot. Luckily there were deserted beaches on which to walk
As we had decided to go all the way to Bognor (about 6 miles), the best place to walk was in the sea, shoes in hand
I had to go back home that evening, and the next day it rained. So, holiday over, then.
Will bore you with tales of �what radiotherapy�s like� when I come back. You�ll snooze. Fersure.