Bad. But gets better towards the end.
2011-11-22, 8:17 p.m.
There is no easy way to say �Ive got breast cancer.� Ive tried, but it still comes out sounding like �Ive got breast cancer.�Meeting with the oncologist next week, followed by an MRI scan to work out the size of the tumour, then a decision on chemotherapy and surgery and how much of each I need.
There. Now you know as much as me. I haven�t told Jooj and Treacle yet � they�ve been at their dad�s the last couple of days and its Jooj�s birthday today, so I thought maybe I�ll talk to them when they come home from school tomorrow. I don�t want to, because that makes it real. At the moment its kind of like some unfunny joke. L is a mess but better today than yesterday now that he�s bent the cancer nurse�s ear on the phone this afternoon. She�s gonna regret giving him the �call me anytime� chat.
L is on the phone to my mum. I overheard her say my dad is really upset. I don�t want people to be upset because of me. I don�t want to make people feel like that. I feel terrible because I have to tell people and it is hurting them. They are frightened and upset because of the things I am saying. And tomorrow I have to hurt my kids, and make them frightened and upset, and I just don�t want to.
OK. I talked to my sister and I feel a bit better now. I don�t have to own other people�s feelings and its not ME that�s making them feel bad. I have to keep saying that, apparently, so I will. I also need to get some waterproof mascara as the Alice Cooper look isn�t a good one on me.
In a valiant effort to escape all the doom and gloom let me share a metric fuckton of photos instead!
Jooj�s party on Saturday was lots of fun. She DID only have a handful of guests (2 boys cried off at the last moment so there were just 6 + Jooj + Treacle) but we still did fireworks in the garden, and lit the firepit for toasting marshmallows. Jooj and her funny little friends were good natured and fun and enjoying themselves and everything was pretty much lovely!
There was cake � no castles, no fancy schmancy stuff, just chocolate�.and plenty of it!
And Party Ring goggles to be worn
Unfortunately, the �photographing the event� was left to L (as he has the best camera) which resulted in pretty much NO useable shots as he likes to fuck about with the settings and the light and the composition and the focal length and all sorts of things which make teenagers lose interest and wander off before you can say �say cheeeeeese!�
All we really got was this one of Jooj where her jaw is mysteriously mis-shapen
and this one, where she�d been noshing toasted marshmallows and was slurping her fingers in an unladylike manner
*tssk* Memo to self: Take own bloody pictures next time and let dopey husband loose only on stuff which doesn�t amble about too much. Like cathedrals. Or mountains.
All the kids stayed over so the sitting room had an air of refugee camp to it in the weesmas, with mattresses and sleeping bags everywhere. I tried not to notice that the sleeping bag that had Jooj in it was REALLY close to the sleeping bag that had Boyf in it. On Sunday I spoke to Jooj about it and how it made me a bit uncomfortable and she reassured me that she is a good girl and added �Mum. Curtsey and Liddie get embarrassed if I even KISS Boyf infront of them. I don�t think I was about to put on a live sex show for them in my own sitting room. How much of an exhibitionist do you think I am?� to which the answer is clearly �less than I was at your age� but I didn�t actually voice that, so no harm done!
Next day, everyone was sleepy so, once the sleepover gang had all gone home, me and Jooj got cozy on the sofa and rubbished everyone we saw on telly. Katie Price got a drubbing, along the lines of:
Good God, what colour IS she? She looks like plasticene! Plasticene with raffia for hair! OMIGOSH. Its like someone put a wig on Morph!
And look! It IS!
Morph
Katie Price
With grateful thanks to photoshop, without whom we would not have laughed so much that we nearly wee�d.
And, simply because I could use a little light relief right now, how �bout this:
or maybe this:
I�ll try to keep the moaning and whining to a minimum over the next few weeks, if that�s ok with you. Its not really what I want to be doing here. This is for talking about knickers and biscuits and sharing knob-gags. I might mention it once or twice though. Maybe.
Later
S
x
PS If anyone knows where I can get a non-underwired bra that doesn�t look like something from the Amish Edition of Victoria�s Secrets, let me know yeh? Oh and don�t suggest �sports bras�. Those are two words which don�t even register as the same language to me. Sorry. But no.
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