Maybe it was the same person who left a note in my comments asking for a recording and then didn�t leave their name? *tut* Silly billie.
Sadly, nobody will be getting any recordings anytime soon as I am sicksicksick, dear readers, which also explains why I am updating in the middle of the day instead of being at school, cramming knowledge into the heads of the unwilling. The only possible recording I could make today, would be some kind of cover version of this
with added coughing, sneezing, nose-blowing and spitting of unattractive Dockers Oysters into a handy handkerchief. YUK.
Certainly one disadvantage of being a relatively popular teacher* is that kids want to get close up to you. This means they cover you in their icky child-germs all the bloody time and give you unpleasant child-diseases. The teachers that everyone hates NEVER get sick. In the last week I have had two hugs and several high-fives from children with, at best, questionable personal hygiene, so its no wonder that the little bastards have covered me in malevolent microbes.
So, Im at home. Yesterday I spent pretty much the whole day in bed, getting up only for half an hour or so in the evening when Jooj�s boyfriends cut up some pineapple for me and put it in a little dish �because its got vitamin C in it�, which meant that I forgave him for the last time they were here together when they came down to dinner and I noticed TEETH MARKS on my baby�s shoulder.
I know how to deal with teeth marks from visiting children when said children are under 5. You just phone up their mummies and say �have you been having a problem with him biting other kids�.?� and wait for the apology. Im not sure how well that works when the biter is nearly 17. Instead I punched them both (relatively playfully) and said �If you�re hungry, you both know where the biscuit tin is�.� and waited for them to go red. When he�d gone home I gave Jooj a sound piece of advice �Where it doesn�t show, or NOT AT ALL� and then, when she started to try to make excuses �OK, no probs, I�ll just give daddy a call and�..�
She got the message.
Today Im feeling a bit better (though not much, but at least I don�t have a temperature any more) which is just as well as tonight I have to take Jooj to the first of about a squillion 6th Form Open Evenings . Ive linked that for the benefit of my lovely transatlantic friends who find our school system as complicated as I find theirs and so may not know what a 6th Form College is, or what it might equate to.
To be honest I can think of a thousand things I�d rather do tonight (most of which start with �lying on the sofa�� and then involve things like �drinking tea�, �sniffing�, �moaning about how sick I am� etc etc) but the alternative would be to insist that Shagnasty take Jooj instead and we all know that would be a VERY BAD THING indeed as he is completely incapable of dealing with any kind of educational establishment in any kind of rational way. And he�s not that good at dealing with Jooj either.
So I shall haul my sorry carcase off the sofa and drag it along to the Open Evening, like a good mummie. A good mummie who is fervently wishing that 25 years or so is sufficient time for NONE of the teachers that I had when I went to that particular college are still working there. Seriously, I just couldn�t bear it. Its not very likely, is it? Is it? I keep telling myself that they must all surely be dead by now but am reminded of L telling me that when he was teaching guitar at his old alma mater, he�d been there less than half an hour before some voice bellowed up the corridor �Geetarduuuuuuude! What are YOU doing here?�. Turns out that woodwork teachers like to stay in one job FOREVER! And there were maybe three or four other teachers who were still there from when he was a pupil � and he�s even older than me!
Tell you what tho, if that fucking bitch who �taught� me A level Eng Lit despite her not knowing that �wherefore art thou, Romeo� meant �WHY are you Romeo� and not �WHERE are you, Romeo� (yes, really. We had a stand-up row about it and she ended by saying �perhaps YOU�D like to take the class since you seem to know SO much about it�) is there, at least I�ll get the opportunity to give her the punch in the face she so richly deserves.
Pretty sure I have more to tell you,, but I REALLY have to go blow my nose now.
Later
S
x
*Im using the terms �teacher� here as my actual job title is just too confusing, especially for overseas readers. Im not a qualified teacher (nor do I wish to be). I basically do the work of a Supply/Substitute teacher, but Im employed by one school only (I don�t flit from school to school like a regular Supply) to cover �planned absences�, like if the regular teacher is on a course or otherwise away from the classroom. If there are no teachers away, I still go to school every day and cover some of the admin for my departments or carry out things like standard testing for the new intakes etc. I also (unlike regular Supplies) cover all subjects � everything from a game of hockey, through simultaneous equations and the Invasion of the Ruhr, to making a Victoria Sandwich and playing simple chords on an electronic keyboard. The regular teachers set the work (and do all the marking and boring stuff like that) � I just deliver what they set. The kids don�t make any differentiation between us and the regular teachers, but �proper� teachers can sometimes get a bit pissy if we use the word �teach�. I don�t mind. If I was a teacher, I would probably think it hilarious that someone was willing to do my job (or at least the �front-line� part of it) for half my pay.
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