Painting that Buttery Biscuit Base!
2011-08-16, 11:22 p.m.
Despite my bragging about how I was on holiday for, like, EVER the last time I was here, I have actually been working this week, dear friends!In a past life, I squeezed out a meagre living extra spending-on-shoes money as a painter of murals, capitalising on the foolishness of parents with more money than sense and charging really more money than its absolutely necessary to spend on a child, decorating dear little Tarquin and Jocasta�s bedrooms with all manner of faddish ludicrousnesses. Ive done Outer Space scenes, FairyWonderland, myriad Cute Puppies (in a range of pastel shades), geographically inaccurate Jungle (lions AND tigers!) and about a gazillion other whim-pandering vistas of joy.
Haven�t done one for quite a few years but got asked if I�d be able to do one for the refurbishment of one of those �play place� thingies (the indoor ones with ball-pools and climbing things and slides and stuff). As they said they were paying cash and it was supposed to be �re-doing what was there before� it seemed worth it. I went and had a look at the job and �what was there before� was �a pile o�shite�. I told the bloke I couldn�t do what was there before as I had my reputation to consider and he conceded that it would be OK to work to my usual standard as long as the general theme was maintained.
So, as a bit of a taster (as there were maybe 20 walls/panels/stairwells/ etc to do), this is an example of what was there before
And I managed to turn it into this
And I turned this heap of crap
Into this (hardly Royal Academy, I know, but you have to admit its something of an improvement)
Needless to say, I now no longer wish to EVER have to paint any of the following:
Fish. Crab. Whale. Dolphin. Shark. Octopus. Turtle. Seahorse. Coral. Starfish.
So don�t ask me, m�kay?
I had an email from the client today to say that my stuff was �a vast improvement� which kind of tempered the other bit of the email which said that they�d already done their cheque run for August so I wouldn�t be getting paid until the end of September.
Dammit. Ah well, I guess if I don�t have it I can�t spend it. I just kind of wish he�d told me about the six week payment terms BEFORE I started the job.
When I wasn�t getting heartily sick of painting all things marine-based, I was also being a proper workman and listening to Radio 1 at full volume (sometimes with whistling along) as that was what the other workmen were doing � I was sharing the site with a couple of carpenters and a couple of regular painter/decorators � even though I haven�t listened to Radio 1 for years and years and years.
Most of the time, I could definitely see why I hadn�t listened to Radio 1 for a while as there was an awful lot of Eminem being jolly angry about something or other and an awful lot of Beyonce squeezing far to many notes into telling us that she�s, like, totally OVER you now (and sounding exactly the opposite). Maybe they should get together. She could just waggle her head in that ghetto kind of way and go �we are So o-o-o-o-o-ver Now-ow-ow-ow-ow!� a lot and Eminem could shout a lot and it would be kind of like a real argument. But musical.
And there was quite a lot of other stuff that I didn�t really like, too. BUT! (And it�s a BIG but!) there were some things that I really DID like, too, and they were things that I don�t know I would ever have got to hear if I hadn�t been listening to Radio 1.
First off, there�s Jar of Hearts, which I know has been used on Glee but this is SO much better and I REALLY like it (even tho it does sound like she sings �Jar of Farts�)
And I totally love this (and I totally would never have thought I would!)
And really, is there any greater joy than this? I don�t even watch Masterchef but this is DA BOMB and Ive been singing it all bloody week whenever anything comes up about �base� or �butter� or anyone mentions dessert or biscuits. I guarantee if you watch it all the way through, you will think of it every single time you eat a cheesecake from now on!
Altogether now � I like the basebasebasebase, I like the buttery biscuit base�!