Puppets, Interviews, FREE STUFF!

2009-05-19, 9:30 p.m.

GASP! You know I was telling you about when Tom and Tam came up and we all had a spiffing time and they brought us a Wedding Present and it was fabulous, yeh? Well, LOOOOOOK! We got PUPPETS!

A little Me and a little L and a little Mr T! And you can see they've got clothes pegs on the backs of their little heads so you can make them TALK! The Mr T has been saying "Quit your jibber-jabber" quite a lot to L, if I'm honest, and then I have been looking all innocent and pointing to him in an accusatory way and shaking my head in a "It wasnï¿½t me, it was Mr T disrespecting you" kind of way. Aren't they just the BEST?! Apologies to anyone reading this who may have given us B&Q vouchers or steak knives or other proper grown up wedding presents, but these are just WAY better! I do love Love LOVE them soooo much.

*ahem*

Right, where was I? Ah, yes: Being unemployed and having an interview ï¿½ they were this weeks tasks, weren't they? Yes? Good. In that case I have accomplished both of them and its still only Tuesday!

I am still unemployed, and likely to remain so for a couple more days at least.

Boo.

I went to the interview this morning for the disorganised band of mad old bats that I was telling you about before. I prepared my presentationï¿½and it was a pretty good one, considering I only had five minutes in which to present it. Coincidentally, that is about how long I spent on putting it together, too, but then it was theoretical ï¿½ I wasnï¿½t required to give any proper examples of work or anything dumb like that.

I wore my lovely Betty Jackson black and cream dress and I polished my shoes and didnï¿½t pitch up there all sequinny and ratty haired and hungover, like I usually am when Im in an office I donï¿½t want to be in (*waves to any friends from Twat inc who might be reading*) and I scared the living shit out of them.

Actually, they were all lovely and I came out of the interview feeling a little bit sorry for them, if Im honest. The Head Honcho Lady, resplendent in lilac polyester ~~marquee~~ two-piece suggested I might like to go along for a Try-Out Day "to see if I liked it". I thought they were supposed to do that to see if THEY liked YOU, but anyway, I said that I would love to, seeing as if they only get one day's work out of me then their offices will still be a fuck sight more efficiently run that they are now!

There was one dear soul there in the main office who was a dead ringer for Rose out of the Golden Girls. She was having a bit of trouble with her PC and was calling out for Jean (or was it Joan, or Mavis or Thelma or some other old-lady name) to help her. Jean was calling out helpful tech support from the other side of the office:

Press the thingy that looks like a cup, then it'll be all big on the screen. Then you can go on "My Documents"ï¿½.no dear, not MY documents. They'll still be YOUR documents but it'llï¿½ummmï¿½.shall I come and see?

At this point, Rose-out-of-the-Golden-Girls had a bit of a moment with clicking stuff and pressing stuffï¿½..lets face it, she had about an hour as Jean (or Joan orï¿½Oh, lets not do that again) shuffled her orthopaedic sandals across the ten feet of maroon carpet separating the two desksï¿½..and exasperatedly cried "Oh! And now its all gone! Everything's gone!".

She'd switched her monitor off by mistake, love her.

In other news, the week's filling up nicely, thanks feraskin'

Tomorrow I have to go to the local college and see my NVQ assessor as she cant come to my office asï¿½errï¿½.I donï¿½t have one any more. This means that I have just tomorrow morning to do the six or seven modules that I told her Ive already completed. Oops.

Thursday, I'll be off to ChavVille to register with yet another employment agency. Im quite hopeful about this one as they phoned me within about five minutes of receiving my CV email, unlike pretty much all of the others, who Ive had to chase up and who have said "ummmï¿½.we donï¿½t really do much at that sort of level. We're moreï¿½.ummmï¿½clerks and stuff", which has kind of made me feel super important but also kind of crappy cos, like, I NEED A JOB, DUDES!

Once thatï¿½s all done, Im having lunch with Slaveboy. I spoke to him earlier today and he, too, has suffered the indignities of the Job Centre this week and admitted, like me, to feeling just a teeny bit weepy about the whole sorry business. I donï¿½t supposed that its anything that cant be solved with a couple of plates of cheesy chips and ONE gin-and-tonic (I'll be driving. *sad face*).

Oh, and then Ive got to come back to Chigley to sign on. *even sadder face*

Friday, I have lunch with Dear Slavey (ach! So many Slaves, so little work!), who from henceforth shall be known asï¿½ï¿½..ummï¿½ï¿½..BOMS Mama! Remember BOMS? He's here! . I'll wait while you go "Aaaaaaaah" (and not at the picture of me with my whangers out, you sickos!). In the evening Im out with BadFriend and Liz and then itï¿½s the weekend. Ex-HAUS-ting!!!

Until then dears, I leave you with this:

Giveaway Corner

Today in Giveaway Corner, we're giving away three, yes, thatï¿½s THREE pairs of brand new, unworn, Combat-style long shorts. Bought last summer for ungrateful moo of a daughter and left untouched in the back of her wardrobe for almost a year. Hell, the red ones still have the store tickets on ferchristsake! Here they are, in all their unmarred-by-teenage-body type way, and I offer them to YOUUUUUUU, dear skinny readers:

UK size 10, Eur 36, US 6/8 and they're absolutely free to anyone who would like to email me their postal address to stepfordtartATdiarylandDOTcom. Genuine offer as I just cant bear to see things go to waste and they're really too good for the charity shop. Tell me where you want 'em posted toï¿½.and they're yours. Free, Gratis and For Nothing.

Yes.

Really.

Later
S
x

S.T.O.P...P.R.E.S.S. All trousers/shorts/pants now dispatched around the globe to various skinny-arsed diarists of my acquaintance! Enjoy!

back - forth