catchy uppy entry!

2009-04-20, 10:23 p.m.
Hey! Apologies for my protracted absence, chaps! I cant really explain why I haven�t updated for a while�.well, I can but they are piss-poor excuses, if Im honest, and not really good enough for placating you lot, so I'd suggest you get on and pour your scorn on my lack of application to the task in hand and get it over with, so we can get on and look at some pictures and I can tell you all manner of fascinating nonsense.

First off tho, in a compare-and-contrast kind of way, over here my good friend Anna was telling us all about her mishap with the earmuffs and the lav and the need to pee, whilst ASTONISHINGLY, on the other side of the Atlantic I was in the workies loo. There was some kind of party on in the Function Room (or Unction Room as it says on the notice at the moment cos somebody hung some balloons over the F) and the loos were disgusting: wet floors, handtowels everywhere and every toilet either broken of full of unflushed toilet paper. Bleh. I sat down to pee and peed on about forty foot of soggy loo roll, while my trousers sagged around my ankles in a big puddle of�..well, lets just hope it was water, yeh?

Once I'd added my, frankly conservative, portion to the soggy loo roll-berg (like an iceberg: seven tenths of it being below the waterline and able to make even Kate Winslet have a bit of an eppy) I stretched across the lav to flush.

That was when I caught the catch of my wristwatch on the handle of the cistern and my watch came unclipped and fell straight down the lav.

Here's my thought processes:

I DROPPED MY WATCH!
Eeeuw. Its in pee.
Its in pee that is a mixture of my pee and OTHER PEOPLES PEE
Fuck it. Let it sink.
*it sinks*
���..OMFG!!!! L BOUGHT ME THAT WATCH FOR CHRISTMAS!!
*offers up silent mixture of prayers and curses*
*rolls up sleeve*
*Takes deep breath*
*plunges hand THROUGH Toilet Paper Island into Sea of Pee*
*grasps immeasurably valuable piece of fine jouaillerie Red Herring bangle watch with fake diamonds*
*yanks hand and watch back through Andrexartica*
*shudders. Lots*
FLUSHES TOILET PROPERLY!
*checks if watch is still working (it is!), runs it under VERY hot tap. Still working*
*washes hands REALLY WELL*

Some days later, I noticed that one of the little "diamonds" is missing. If you think Im going back to look for it you are very much mistaken.


I had some time off work so, in a spirit of ��umm�something-or-other we tried to tidy up the house a bit.

Treac was distinctly underwhelmed at having to tidy her bedroom

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But she did it

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Jooj was similarly reticent

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And despite her best efforts, it never really got any better

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The house looked lovely for about half a day and then it all went to rat shit and its just as messy as before!


Anyways, me and the lovely L went wandering along the Test Way. This part follows the route of a disused stretch of railway line and is one of the county's designated cycle routes � nice and flat with pubs at each end (and one in the middle!).

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There was some more of that strange scenery that makes me think of Cowboy films. Actually, it�s a chalk quarry

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We strolled along, amiably enough, stopping at an occasional bridge for looking at the river

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And a teeny tiny weir

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Eventually we got to Horsebridge Mill, which isn�t a mill any more but is still jolly pretty. I almost managed to not get the skip in shot.

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Also at Horsebridge is the remains of a tiny station, complete with platform and signal and grassed over railway line

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In a truly English style, you can take tea on the platform. With homemade cake.

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A joke from Jooj:

How d' you make Lady Gaga mad?
Poke 'er face


My hunt for a job continues apace. Got a couple of things on the horizon but don�t want to jinx them by talking about them here. Rest assured that you'll be the first to know if I manage to secure alternative gainful employment which doesn�t make me cry. Oh, and doesn�t aggravate my UC � having been symptom-free for over ten years, even having the mild stress-related relapse that I currently seem to be currently experiencing is making me ever more resolved to get the holy fuck out of there as soon as possible. It was a stressful, hateful job that brought the disease on in the first place all those years ago and Im not about to make myself ill enough to spend a month in hospital again any time soon.

L's niece is coming to stay with us for the weekend while her mother goes to NY with her BF. She's the same age as Jooj and they go to the same school but they�umm� aren�t exactly friends. Don�t get me wrong, they don�t actively hate each other, there's just a fair measure of the ambivalence only 13 year old girls can muster up, coupled with a large dollop of "she doesn�t like what I like" from both sides. I have impressed on the niece that she must carry on exactly as she does when she's at home � she can still go out and see her friends and bring them back to the house and all that stuff. I think she thought that was me being nice. Actually its because Jooj said something along the lines of "You needn't expect me to look after her the whole weekend. She's a chav."

Also on the subject of Jooj, she told me today that she's singing in the choir at school and she sang a few snatches of the songs for me. They sounded OK. Im doing my best not to find it funny that my wiccan-dabbling white girl is singing gospel.

Thursday is the workies AGM. L has been proposed as President for next year and so is campaigning like crazy and I, seeing as Ive got so much time on my hands (!), have been proposed for committee. Its all very political and VERY nasty and there's been that much mud-slinging that we could have built a new Chigley�.if we'd had one of those funny little 'mud brick' moulds and some baking hot sunshine. Some of the gossip going around is shockingly spiteful and L has had to step in on a couple of occasions and refute some very unpleasant accusations. Small town people sometimes have very small minds. If we are both elected we will be out of the house on committee nights so Jooj is excited to think she might get her first job � babysitting Treac while we're out. To be honest, its all a bit of a con as far as that's concerned. I'd been thinking about giving Jooj regular pocket money for a while now (instead of her just saying "Im going to the cinema, can I have some money please"), so that she can learn about saving and budgeting and all that boring crap. Also I need someone to look after Treac if I go out and it seems silly to pay someone else's irresponsible teenager to take the job on when I have one of my own!

If she burns the house down on Thursday then we may have to think up a plan B, but I think she'll be OK. Im half a mile down the road and can cycle home in less than 5 minutes so Im not too worried.

Much.

God, its hard being a mum.

Later
S
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