Hummus, anyone?
2008-09-11, 11:05 p.m.
Further proof, if proof were needed, that my husband is a fucking idiot.This evening, as I had to teach pretty much as soon as I got home from work, he said he would cook dinner. Knowing that he isn�t a very good cook, I made several pointed references to the two frozen chicken breasts in the freezer as all he would have to do would be thaw them out and put them in the oven. There are vegetables in the bottom of the fridge (always!) and he would have passed by the shops at least twice during the course of his normal working day, should he have needed anything else.
Needless to say, when I asked �what�s for tea?� I wasn�t really expecting �beans on toast�. Still, at least he was having a go.
I ate my beans on toast (having first pointed out how to change the settings on the toaster and how to make the bread pop up above the level of the slot so YOU DON�T HAVE TO STICK YOUR FINGERS IN THE SLOTS, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.)
It was nice enough, as beans on toast go, but there was no time to hang around as I had to be in the studio and setting up my teaching tracks before the first pupil arrived.
Just as I was going out the front door, I noticed something odd. On the window sill outside the front door, there was a tin can. I tin can, full of chick peas, which looked like someone had been at it with an angle grinder.
L was right behind me on the step. I said �WTF?�
�Yes, well. I tried to open them but I couldn�t get the can opener to work�.
�They�re chick peas�
�Welllllll, I know that NOW!�
�What did you want them for?�
�I thought they were baked beans�
�What did you DO to them?�
�Well, DUH. I was TRYING to get the lid off. The can opener�s broken.�
�How did you open the beans we had for tea, then.�
�They have a RING PULL!�
�OK����why are these chick peas out here, then?�
�Because I was���going to throw them away�
�WHAT? WHY?�
�Cos the tin�s all fucked.�
�No. You were going to HIDE them from me.�
*huffy* �Yeh, well, I knew you were going to react like this! And start questioning me and stuff.�
�OK. Would it not have made more sense to say �honey I tried to open these chick peas by mistake but I can�t work the can opener�, then I would have said, �turn the can over and open it from the bottom and then tip them into a bowl and put them in the fridge. I don�t think I would have said �HIDE THEM! Hide them from me in case I find them and start to question your competence! Yes! That�s it. Hide the evidence so you won�t get told off. Cos you are EIGHT YEARS OLD.� You fucking idiot.�
When I finished teaching, I came back indoors, turned the can over on the draining board, opened it from the bottom with the can opener which seems to have been miraculously restored to full functionality, and made some hummus.
I despair, I really do.
Here�s the evidence:
L�s (frankly piss-poor) attempt, with the *broken* tin opener
And in case you missed that�
My turn�.ooops, it seems to have worked perfectly!
Off now to make some cakey for taking to work tomorrow as it�s the closest working day to my birthday, then the Sing Star Marathon tomorrow night (Ive been practising �NAOOOooW that yor gonnnnn, ba-ba-bwaooh-waooooh�) and up at sparrow�s fart on Saturday to unwrap my myriad of fabulous gifts start cooking the food for my party. There�ll be pictures, girls and boys, and they wont be pretty. (and I expect there�ll be hummus, too, as Ive got a bucketload of it in the fridge now.)