Chum is out in the garage with a pneumatic drill, chipping out the 25 fathoms of concerete which makes up our garage floor. BF is in charge of lifting the (not too big bits) of concrete into the barrow and dumping them in the front garden. He is wearing shorts and big boots in an effort to look manly. He looks like BF in shorts and big boots. He just made me go and take a photo of him working the drill. It is making his moobs shake around.
The noise made by using a pneumatic drill in a 20 ft square room with a metal door, is indescribable. Yes, they have the door open, but that is mostly so the neighbours can see what we�re doing and not be stood in the street going �What the fucking hell are those noisy bastards up to NOW?�. Its so noisy, I am sure that Ms Brazil and Smed and Summer can hear it, let alone Becca, Claire, Anna and Smash.
Every atom of my brain (that�ll be about 20 of lil suckers!) is rattling about in my skull. I feel like I have the worst hangover in the world, but without the benefit of having drunk a pint of whisky and falling in some bushes on the way home. Funnily enough, just like a hangover, the noise carries on, even when they aren�t digging.
The children came home from having tea with Shagnasty. They are in the sitting room trying to watch TV. Mostly they are tutting and saying �what did he say?� to each other. As they are wearing their new t-shirts (glittery black ACDC ones) they aren�t doing their Rock Goddess credentials much good by whining about the noise. They�ll be the ones at a gig in a few years time, wearing earplugs, smiling benignly and clapping on 1 and 3. *sigh*
Tomorrow I have to take the pool car and drive up to Enfield for a meeting. I hope the noise in my head stops by then. Im not sure it will create the right impression for the client if I am sat with my hands over my ears wailing �Oh, will you never STOP and give me PEACE!?� while they recap on their project plans.
Pants. n. English word. Meaning �knickers�. Not to be confused with American word meaning �trousers�
As she has told everyone in the whole wide world ever (despite swearing me to secrecy!), I can reveal that the lovely Slavey is pregnant. I have told her how fucking inconvenient it is and how I wont have anyone to talk to when she is on maternity leave but she is refusing to leave the baby at home and come in and entertain me. Harumph. She leaves her dog at home and pops back at lunchtime to let it poo and give it some water. Babies are much smaller and move around a lot less. Selfish selfish selfish. You just cant get the staff these days.
This morning she called me an alcoholic junkie prostitute. I think she meant it as a compliment, especially as she is bereft of fun in all its many guises at the mo. Serves her right. I bought her some custard creams at lunchtime and that seemed to cheer her up. While I was out at lunch, she called me and asked if I was still in town. As I am a nice person, I said I was in the supermarket and asked if she needed me to get anything for her:
Slavey: *whispering cos she�s in the office* Get me some pants
Me: What!?
Slavey: *yelling* get me some PANTS.
Me: Have you had an accident?
Slavey: No, but I just managed to get an appointment to have my legs waxed after work and Ive got inappropriate underwear on. Can you go to McKays and get me a pair of girl pants. You know, regular cotton ones.
Me: Have you been using the office phone for private calls?
Slavey:*audible sigh*��.Just get the pants.
Me: Whats wrong with the pants you�ve got on, exactly?
Slavey:��.Just get the pants�..please.
I got the pants. They were in the sale and so were only �1.50. They had an embroidered butterfly on the front in brown and turquoise. Even Wee Treacle would�ve said �they�re a bit twee, mum�. Still, beggars cant be choosers. Especially beggars who are begging their boss to go out and choose a pair of pants to get waxed in.
Words of wisdom from my dear BF
Whilst choosing a snack.
�Brownie or Flapjack? Hmmm. Brownie please�
�Don�t you like flapjacks?�
�Ye-es��But I don�t like the afterchew�
�WHAT?�
�You know� *smacks chops* �afterchew�
�Umm. Do you also get this afterchew when you�ve eaten, say, A Bounty Bar? Or a Snickers?�
�YES!�
Never heard that word before but, BOY, do I know what it means!
Whilst playing a word game: Names of Band Which Have a Colour in Them
Me: Black Sabbath
BF: Whitesnake
Me: Greenday
BF: Blue Rondo a la Turk
Me: Simply Red
BF:��..Ummm��.Brownanarama
How could ya NOT love him?