Thank you all Sooooo much for all your thoughts on the 'J thing' - you're all lovely lovely people. Im still undecided about how to handle the whole business but Im feeling a lot more positive about it all now.
Thanks again. Very much.
So, here's today's little conundrum. StepfordBro, who talks like Graham Chapman, looks like a ginger Jack Nicholson and who doesnt get mentioned here very much as he is a fat, miserly, bean-counter who used to get his kicks by sitting on my head and farting, has instructed me to Make a Bacon Sandwich with Extra Crispie Bacon with NO FAT on it and the RIGHT amount of ketchup or Mr. Permpy is Gonna Come Part Some Girlie's Hair-Do. Oh No, hang on, thats an old message from 1981....Umm....Oh, where did I put that message......
*ahem* London Calling, this is London Calling (is this thing on?). *ahem*
Errrr...Good Evening Colonials! StepfordBro here. I am making my own announcements as my trollop sibling cannot be trusted even to make a bacon sandwich (I said NO FAT), let alone impart information of import to you fellows Overseas.
As I am sure the Tart has mentioned me in dispatches many times, I need not acquaint you further with the rudiments of my person, suffice it to say I am an extremely successful accountant, a fine figure of a man, and as rich as Croesus.
I live alone, in a house I bought when Methuselah was a boy and, despite having had the same lady caller for many years, am unencumbered by wife (ex or current), offspring and any other bally rum coves who might be considered a burden.
So fabulously wealthy am I, that I am struggling to find enough ways in which to spend my wealth. I dine nightly on swan fricasee and Angel Delight made from real angels and I wash it all down with a few glasses of something dark and fruity which comes in a dusty bottle. Im sure you are all aware that I dont mean Gee's Linctus.
Due in part to my declining years, and in part to my colourful family history (the Tart will enlighten you at some later juncture - a tale almost Laura Ingalls Wilderesque in the telling), I am resolved to now expend some of my fabulous wealth by bolstering the economies of less fortunate countries.
In short, my transatlantic cousins, following several sojourns of reconnaisance, I should like to purchase property in New Hampshire. I would like a house, which I might visit whensoever I choose and to which I may choose to retire should the climate prove clement and the natives receptive to welcoming a new squire.
My fiscal contacts tell me that the mortgage rate is sufficiently low and the exchange rate sufficiently high in your fair lands, that it would be a most advantageous purchase. However, I am unsure how a person of most excellent standing as myself should go about acquiring such a mortgage in foreign climes.
Might I impose on your charming good nature and request that any persons hitherto disposed to have the necessary book-learning to be able to acquaint me of the necessary procedures, or to provide the telegraphic introduction of suitable third parties, in order that I may shortly come amongst you - spreading bonhomie, largesse and amusing anecdotes from the world on Cost & Management Accounting - as is my fond wish.
I bid you good evening, in anticipation of your most bounteous cooperation.
*ahem*
*mumble mumble* I thought that went awfully well, didnt you, Bunty? *mumble* Where's the off-switch? *click*
Ah, here's the note...my brother wants to buy a house in the states but doesnt know if Johnnie-Foreigners can get US mortgages without being resident. Anyone got any ideas? Or a web-link for finding this stuff out?
I'll swap you for a story of my pioneering great-grandparents.
Thanks everso