2nd Entry of the Day: Click back one for more gore and the source of much swearing and unpleasantness.
Obviously, my choice of activities has been fairly limited today to �stuff that can be completed in five minutes TOPS�.
The Postman brought a fresh shiny issue of Gl@mour magazine this morning. I don�t really DO women�s magazines � I really do think they�re generally designed to make women feel inadequate and rush out to buy all the stuff advertised in the vain hope that it will make them thinner, younger, richer, more able to cope with their shitty little lives etc, but I do make two exceptions (used to be three but I cancelled V0gue, its pretty much just a picture book anyway and I can read it at the library if I want to): The first being Harpers & Queen/Harpers Bazaar/whatever its called where YOU live. This is a throwback to my fabulously wealthy days of yore when I could actually afford to buy things direct from its glossy, perfumed pages. Nowadays it acts as a kind of glorified Butterick book, I pore over it working out how things are made, how �looks� are constructed, what signature pieces will have filtered down into the high street and then I stitch and sew, remodel, bastardise and generally gack whatever I think wont make me look too comedic in the office. I might often look stupid, overdressed, oversequinned, inappropriate etc but I always look fucking fabulous, dahling. Except today, of course as I am wearing stretchy denim leggings (which may or may not be maternity ones, Im too scared to check the label) and an oversized (ie made to fit a roadie) Fender t-shirt (oooch, my poor tummy). I also buy Gl@mour. I started buying it because it was small and cute looking and had some good free gifts (bags, shades, scarves etc). Then, joy of joys, a few years back just a couple of days after I found out about Shagnasty and MiniMe and was feeling at a particularly low ebb, I won a competition to win a pair of shoes! How cool is that! I still have the shoes and they are glamorous and gorgeous and don�t hurt my feet too much and that pretty much cemented Gl@mour mag as fairly well OK with me thanks very much.
Their sex surveys are laughable (except for the one which I actually ripped out of one issue and threw away, lest BF should learn something REALLY BAD ABOUT GIRLS) and the tone of their articles a bit breathy and overexcited on occasions, and they DO have the tendency to think everyone is 25, but hell, the fashion pages are OK and full of affordable stuff and it�s a pleasant enough way to while away a cup of coffee (or P!colax).
But, I digress.
Usually I open the magazines I get over the bin and shake out all the inserts and ads for mail order catalogues and stuff like that before I start reading, but having a bit of time on my hands today (!) I thought Id try out the free sample of Neutr0gena Pur� Gl0w �daily cleansing cushion� in a spirit of WTF?-ness.
Dear readers, the Neutr0gena Pur� Gl0w daily cleansing cushion is a little mitten of felty stuff � one side beaded �to deep cleanse and exfoliate� and the other side striped �to moisturise and massage�. Apparently it will give me the fresh glow of a professional spa-facial. A professional spa-facial would not leave me with a fresh glow Unless, of course, your interpretation of a fresh glow is the same as �sweaty with anxiety� which is exactly how I feel if I have to set foot in those beauty spa health type places. Ditto hairdressers, and anywhere that offers any kind of therapy which might be deemed alternative. (Nearly) 40 years of hideous mistakes have left me with the unshakeable belief that I know best how to make me look/feel good and having some orange faced harpy in a quasi nurses uniform tut-tutting over the size of my pores isn�t it.
The Neutr0gena Pur� Gl0w daily cleansing cushion is very nice and made my face all soft and smooth. Im reliably informed that it is gentle enough for everyday use, which would be good if there hadn�t been just one in the sachet. I can more or less guarantee that these little bits of foamy felty facecloth will be well outside my beauty budget (Beauty Budget! Since when did I have one of those?) so it�ll be back to the L!dls anti wrinkle cream for me tomorrow. Stop sniggering � L!dls anti wrinkle cream is VERY nice and has the same packaging/feel/smell as 0il of Ol�, so I don�t need to be a genius to work out the �specially made for�� bit on the back of the tub. And its �1.89. Get over yerself. It doesn�t get rid of wrinkles, but hell, do ANY of em?
Other stuff Ive been doing today:
I was duly presented with two tins of Baxter$ Luxury Consomm�; one chicken, one beef. Both signed on the can by the pen of Audrey Baxter herself, thus proving beyond all reasonable doubt that the consomm� was made by her own fair hand (or something). The word "Luxury" is something of a misnomer here, folks. There is nothing luxurious about this consomm�. Closer inspection of the ingredients of the Chicken version revealed that, in a 415g tin, 2% is sherry. That�s about 8g, but that�s OK cos I don�t want to get pissed on the stuff. Chicken Stock takes care of 0.7% (or 2.9g). That�s not a lot of chicken stock really, is it? Hmm? Now, as any fool knows, the ingredients in any processed food are listed according to the "greatest first" method so, as we have already noted an ingredient taking up a mere 0.7% of tin-space, it would be fair to assume that the following ingredients account for LESS than 0.7% of the total. That would be OK if the following ingredients were colourings, or benzene, or sodium laureth sulphate, or broad beans or something else that one wouldn�t want to put in one�s mouth, but no. The teeny weeny minuscule nods towards an ingredient that are included in this list are the very things which should make the consomm� tasty, delicious and well, luxurious. Namely; Chicken Extract, Sugar, Salt, Black Pepper Extract, Bay Extract, Vegetable Oil, Celery Extract, Onion Extract.
Now, Id like to think that there are so many "extracts" in that list simply because of the way that consomm� is made, ie by simmering all the flavour and gorgeousness out of the ingredients and then straining them to crystal clear perfection, thereby "extracting" their very essence. Sadly, I would wager that this might not be the case here.
If you have an invalid to care for, or some poor person of your acquaintance needing a light diet or if you are having a smart dinner party and want a light soup course, here is a recipe for consomm�. Enjoy.
Beef or Chicken Consomm� makes about a litre/1.75 pints/3 "cansworth"
In a large bowl, mix the vegetables, meat and egg whites. Heat the stock up til just melted but not warm (if it�s a bought stock, it may well already be liquidy, use your skill and judgement!), whisk the stock into the other ingredients and then pour them into a saucepan and heat gently. Bring the mixture slowly to the boil, whisking, for at least ten minutes.
As soon as the mixture is frothy, stop whisking. When the stock boils, a "raft" of bits will form on the top. Make a hole in this "clarification filter" with a ladle or similar so that the stock can bubble through it without breaking it up completely.
Let the consomm� simmer for about 30-40 minutes. This will extract all the flavour from the ingredients and give the liquid time to clarify. The "filter" will be solid and the liquid will be clear.
Strain the consomm� through a sieve into which you have placed a damp tea towel. Ladle the consomm� in and break the filter into pieces but don�t be tempted to smash everything up too much or your consomm� may be cloudy. Let the liquid drain through slowly.
Et Voila!
* If anyone wants to know how to make a Royale Garnish for this, best email me. It looks FAB but it IS a bit fiddly. You need to want to SERIOUSLY impress! Otherwise, you could garnish with julienne of vegetables/meat or serve with something like cheese straws.
More soon (tired now�.and hungry)