I broke up with Shagnasty in November 2001. He�d been away for a weeks golfing holiday with his pals and came back to tell me he was leaving me. Although we hadnt exactly been getting along it was still a bolt from the blue. He told me that there wasn�t anyone else and he just didn�t love me any more. On January 10th 2002 I found out he�d been shagging MiniMe for some time. I didn�t know how long he�d been at it (and still don�t) but I felt strangely relieved. Since the November Id been thinking that it was something that Id done wrong that made him want to leave and thought if I could just somehow be�better, then he�d change his mind and come back and everything would be OK.
Once I knew about MiniMe I realised that it wasn�t actually my fault, he�d made a choice and there was nothing I could do about it. The day after I found out I went around to Bad Friend L�s for tea and sympathy. She was having a new kitchen fitted and I talked for a while to her plumber P, who Id met a couple of times before. After Id left she called me and suggested we go to a club we know (a grown ups club, not a teenagy disco place) on the Saturday night, to have a dance and a few drinks and just have a bit of R & R. I like Bad Friend�s company and I thought it might be fun. The she said we were meeting up with P and his friend "who was having a bit of a bad time". My heart sank. She said "aww, you�ll get on fine � Ive never met him but P says he�s a musician and he�s got a beard." I pictured a weedy hippy Jesus type, playing in social clubs on a Saturday night and thinking he�s going to be the next big thing.
Still, in for a penny, in for a pound. I got dolled up in my most glam sequinned cardi and ridiculous Pierce Fionda jewelled mules and off I went. The club is often frequented by fat sweaty businessmen and motor trader�s wives with too much foundation on. I used to go there a bit when I was in my early twenties as, being members only, you didn�t get bothered by ChavScum if you were out with the girls for a chin-wag and, being the youngest person in there by about twenty years, you never had to buy a drink if you had a short skirt on!
Bad Friend L and I had been sat at a table for about twenty minutes when I saw P come in and go straight to the bar, following behind was the weedy hippie. All 6�5" and 15 stone of him. The Jesus beard was a neatly trimmed goatee. He was all dressed in black. And scowling. When they came over to our table we did the introduction thing and I seem to remember making a joke out of it in the best traditions of Harvester Restaurants - "Hi. My name�s Stepfordtart and I�ll be your date this evening"-type thing. We got talking. We carried on talking. I found out he�d been as miserable about the idea of meeting me as I�d been about meeting him, but I put that down to P�s description of me (by text) - "Very short blonde hair. Nice smile". BF had taken this to mean "Very short. Blonde hair. Nice smile". He�d thought he was getting a grinning midget date.
We talked. We danced � the only man Ive ever met who has asked me to dance to a FAST SONG � we danced a bit more, a bit closer. We kissed. When I looked up, P and Bad Friend L were goggling at us with "Awww. Sweeeet!" looks on their faces. I went to the ladies with Bad Friend and got a grilling. P and BF went to the bar and BF got a grilling. When the night was over Bad Friend L and P sat on chairs in the foyer while BF and I exchanged numbers.
And that was that. I met the love of my life on a blind date in a Cattle Market Night Club. I was picturing an evening of sponging drinks from a hairy, wastrel hippydude and he was picturing an evening of making VERY small talk and looking ridiculous on the dance-floor dancing with a woman who only came up to his navel. (Actually, on occasions I think that probably would have saved a lot of knee strain, but there you go).
I�ll log this as a separate entry as, reading back through it, it�s a bit boring and doesn�t contain my usual smattering of porn, swearing, disasters, and taking the piss. So you can skip it if you don�t feel inclined to focus on anything too cerebral this evening.
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