Got to Bruges without incident and inspected Sis and Brother in Law�s new holiday home. I think it would be kind to say it still needs a little work. In the same way it would be kind to say Michael Jackson wears a little make-up. Bearing in mind I have been trained in all things Building Trade by virtue of having spent a year at the Technical College learning how to be a tradesperson (with overalls and everything!), I would have thought that, when undertaking a project as complex as renovating a decrepit Belgian townhouse, it would be sensible to take one stage at a time.
This they have done. In the normal scheme of things, this might have meant dealing with all the structural bits first, then possibly all the electrics, all the plumbing, all the flooring etc etc. But they appear to have gone at it with a slightly different attitude. Thus, there is a beautiful kitchen � complete with colour matched light switches. The little pots that Sis puts on the floor to catch the drips from the leaky roof arent colour matched tho and it kind of ruins the effect. In the master bedroom, their beautiful big bed, shipped all the way from Blighty, and assembled IN the room as it was to big to go up the spiral staircase, rests atop a vinyl floor of such offensiveness I would venture that they must open the bedroom door and leap into the bed to avoid having to put their feet on it. My bedroom, in the attic, has twin beds which sis told me not to move as they fall to bits at the slightest touch. It does however, have strategically placed light wells in the wall to draw in natural light from further down the house. These have been fitted, at great expense, with special fire resistant glass. They are fitted into a non-fire-resistant wall. Etc etc etc.
Ah well. I don�t have a house in Bruges and am probably jealous.
Did a little sightseeing and was just getting ready to go out for dinner when Jooj phoned. She�d had a non-uniform day at school. She said:
"Waaaaaaaaaah! Daddy said my new clothes are horrible and I shouldn�t have worn them to school and were supposed to be going to the school fair but daddy says I cant go unless I get changed because I look dreadful and those are the new clothes you bought me for my birthday mummy and the teacher said I looked nice and Waaaaaah!"
I say, "put yer father on".
Shagnasty comes to the phone and says "What the fuck were you thinking of sending her to school in those clothes, she looked fucking stupid, everyone was staring at her, all the other kids had jeans on, she looked fucking stupid (again!), she�s going to have enough trouble fitting in at that school because of the way she is (Wha?!) and you go and make it worse, it didn�t even MATCH, what the fucking hell do you think you�re doing?"
I say, "don�t shout at me please. Put Jooj on"
Jooj says "Waaaaah, oh mummeeeeeeee, Waaaaaaaaah"
I say "Jooj, put on whatever daddy wants you to put on, put the new clothes in a bag and bring them home with you. You looked fabulous and you can wear those clothes whenever you like at our house. Bring the clothes home and be cool here."
Im now furious. How can he talk like that to me with Jooj standing next to him and how can he be so unkind as to talk to her like that, just as she�s getting to the age where what you look like is important and you�re just finding out about style and stuff like that? And Im also so upset because Jooj is so upset, and Im so upset because I can hear him saying "What the fuck do you look like?" to me a thousand times when we were married (oh, and "everyone�s looking at you, why do you always have to show me up?" etc etc).
The offending outfit? Stripy zip top in rainbow colours green/blue/pink/etc with matching woolly scarf, turquoise cropped trousers, pink bovver boots. She looked funky and cosy and like a ten year old. She didn�t look like a tart or a scruff or exactly the same as every other child in the playground.
I went out with Sis and BiL but I just couldn�t concentrate on having a good time. I wanted to go home and drive round to his house and clear out her wardrobe of everything but the tracksuit pants and the baggy sweatshirts and the trainers he�s bought her and take her home. For dressing up and doing hair and being fabulous.
Then I wanted to drive back to his house and stand nose-to-nose with him and say "You Cunt. You might want to blend in, but we don�t. We are how we are and an infinitesimal number of trips to Marks and Spencer wont change that. MiniMe couldn�t make Jooj "the same" no matter how many matching outfits she bought for her and Spawn and NEITHER CAN YOU, you prize tosser."
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