Noh, Noh, Noh! Thats not right!

2012-05-19, 10:53 p.m.
Dumbass Things Teachers Do #1

Teaching Art class, where the students were required to design their own Japanese Noh Mask, using various features from printed examples on a worksheet.

�Miss! I want to do this nose but I cant get it right�
�Oh, Miss! I want that nose, too! When you�ve helped him, will you help me?�
�Well, Im not doing it FOR you, but I�ll show you on the board how to get the rough shape if you like.�
*takes board pen and commences*
�First get the middle bit right � its basically just a long straight shape, with a little curvy bit at the bottom��then, on either side of that, at the bottom, we put in these big round nostril-y bits. Get a bit of shading on them so they look more round, especially at the bottom where there�d be the most shadow.�
*class is eerily quiet*
�Then all we really need to add is these crinkly bits at the top, where you�ve got the sort of brow-furrows, and then you�ll see�..�
*looks at class, who are all transfixed*
*looks at whiteboard, with its MASSIVE PICTURE OF A COCK AND BALLS, COMPLETE WITH BOLLOCK HAIR AND RUMPLED FORESKIN*
*looks at class. One or two of the braver boys are sniggering. Several others are puce in the face with the effort of NOT sniggering*
*looks at whiteboard. Yep, definitely drawn a cock and balls*
*looks back at class. Most children now sniggering, some actually laughing*
*looks back at whiteboard*
*looks back at class. Even the shy Asian girls are tittering. Everyone else is openly guffawing*
*puts down board pen. Fixes class with expressionless stare. Raises one eyebrow. Takes one finger and slowly wags it*
�Shame on you. Shame on every single one of you.�
*class howls with laughter, slapping their own thighs and banging fists on their desks in theatrical manner*
*teacher smirks, just a teeny bit, and looks slowly at every single child in turn before reaching for the board rubber. Channels Alan Rickman*
�It�s a NOSE, you vile creatures.�

Im off work now til at least the week after next. With any luck by the time I go back they will have forgotten.

Later
S
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