Boyf's Birthday!
2011-10-23, 4:16 p.m.
Jooj makes a cake for her Boyf!Jooj approaches her mama and asks �Please can you help me make a cakey for Boyf�s birthday?�. Kindly mama agrees, thinking it will be a simple round sponge cake with a bit of splodgy icing on top.
Hmmmmm. This is what we spent the WHOLE DAY doing yesterday:
First, cack-handedly line one of those tricky multi-pans with paper
Then mix up a metric fuckton of cake mixture (actually, not really a metric fuckton, just 4 eggs, 8oz of sugar, 8oz self raising flour and 8oz unsalted butter)
Cook it all up into 4 identical vaguely similar squares
Meanwhile, hack a couple of shop bought Swiss Rolls into suitable size lumps and encourage them to be cylindrical (instead of squashed elliptical) with the aid of some tightly wrapped clingfilm
Colour some fondant a suitable colour for a teenage boy�s cake (ie Barbie Pink!) and commence rolling
Get mum to help you with the tricky bits
Once all the big bits are properly covered, stake them all together with some kebab skewers. �Perpendicular� is not a word that needs necessarily to apply in this case. *ahem*
Join some mini rolls together (more skewers!) for turrets and hack up some icecream cornets for roofs. Do this carefully as a) they will shatter all over the bloody kitchen if you aren�t careful and b) you will need the bits you trim off for messing about with later when you need a little light relief.
Take the trimmed off icecream cornet bits and, painfully and with much hilarity, jam them into your mouth in a weird Ice Cream Gimp/Dr Who Empty Child hybrid way
When you�ve stopped laughing and saying �Oh fucking hell, I think its stuck! Its drained all the moisture from my ENTIRE body and welded itself to my gums�, cover the turrets and roof cones in more fondant and start sticking everything together with buttercream �glue�
Add more fondant embellishments until the cake is roughly the weight of a REAL castle
And, altogether now: Happy Birthday to youuuuuu, Happy Birthday to youuuuuu, Happy Birthday, dear Boy-oyf, Happy Birthday to ya-hoooooooooooooo
