Better news (but still quite boring)

2011-09-26, 10:48 p.m.
Thanks so much to those who deliberated, cogitated and came up with the consensus that 1915 was a bit of a turning point in the �Get that tin can outta the way of my horse!/Get that bag o� bones outta the way of my car!� debate.

I would deffo agree that 1915 sounds kind of one the right track although, I�m guessing it may have been a year or so later down here in the provinces, seeing as I can remember my nan talking about horses in the street when she was a little girl. There seemed to have been a lot of them and she was born in 1911. Mind you, I can remember the rag and bone man had a horse right up when I was little and that would have been the early 1970s!

I wonder who it was that decided? Could you imagine the conversation?

�Jesus H Christ! I just nearly killed some bloke on a nag, cantering up the High Street like he owned the place! If he�d dented my Model T I�d have kicked his fucking head in! That baby cost me $440!� (thanks Wiki!) �There ought to be a law�����.Carruthers, I think I have an idea! Send a telegram to��


Did ya ever see a nun without her wimple? We used to catch sight of one every now and then at school. Their hair was chopped short, greying more often than not and of no discernable style � just short. All over. Yeh, well my hair�s like that. I have nun hair.

I�d been growing it for a while, because I had an inkling of an audition I wanted to try for, for a play in which I would most definitely have been awesome. I had also been attempting to pummel my body into some kind of submission so that I would look astonishingly fabulous in the role, which required some removal of kit. Somehow I completely missed the auditions (found that out by being posted a copy of the cast list. The woman playing the part I wanted is an old bag. Sour grapes? Fuck off.) and so there didn�t seem any point in me growing my hair any more. I cut it all off in a fit of pique.

I�m also kind of thinking maybe karma saw me at the gym and went �Oh, fucking hell, NO! Your kit-off days are SO over, missy!� and made me miss the audition on purpose. This has, of course, had the knock on effect of me not actually going back to the gym since I found out I wasn�t required to gear off in front of anyone apart from my husband and my doctor for the foreseeable future.

I�m kind of disappointed that I missed it as it was going to be my kit-off swansong fersure. Its unlikely that another opportunity will present itself anytime soon and, well, I�m 45 now, and there�s got to be a time when it just becomes embarrassing to be sat in the stalls, looking up at a flabby old boiler who thinks she�s still all that.

I deffo would�ve nailed that part, tho. It was Mrs Robinson . *sighs*


Oh yeh! I forgot! I�m 45 now. Look!

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Jooj and Treac made the cake and, I must say, the ratio of cake to buttercream wasn�t quite the industry standard (it was one part cake to one and a half parts buttercream as far as I could work out. Oh, and �almost a whole jar of jam, mummie!�) but since I had a meltdown a few years ago, of the �all I want is a fucking cake with candles on it and someone to make a bit of a fuss of me for FIVE MINUTES�, that is pretty much what I�ve got every year since then!

Oh and I also got one of THESE! and it plays THIS! (if those links don�t work, I�m gonna cry), which is just about the best gift I could have got. Which was just as well, as it WAS the best gift I got!

I look fat and old in that photo. Possibly because I am fat and old. Or maybe because I�m making a candle-blowing face and am still wearing my �growing out� hairdo, rather than my �shorn off nun� one. Whatever. Its ancient history now as I�ve been 45 for several weeks. It doesn�t seem to have changed me much, although I do sometimes walk past the Clarks shop and think �Ooooh, they look comfy.�


I watched a programme the other night which was all about the best 100 gadgets of all time
or something like that (check out the link, its got some surprises!). The kids watched it with me and wondered at the variety of marvels of the modern age. Until, that is, we got to No.23, when Jooj became so awestruck that she did actually have her mouth properly hanging open. Her head whipped between the TV and my face � �MUM!� she squeaked, �is that REALLY a thing?�

Well, yes, it was (still IS) a thing, and it only took a bit of internetting and a bit of ebaying before she had one of her very own, for the princely sum of �3.19 (buyer collects). Especially for retro-cat cos I think she�ll appreciate it, Jooj bought herself�..

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�a teasmade! Or, as she explained it to the world of Facebook (and her myriad teenage followers) �it's an alarm clock... THAT MAKES YOU TEA. BEST. THING. EVER.�

I cannot help but marvel at a 15 year old who is so enraptured of such a clunky old anachronism. I hear the alarm go off in the mornings and then the clinking of the cups and I know she�s drinking tea, in bed, like a proper old lady. Heeheehee.


In other news, school has become infinitely more fun of late, due to the adoption of a new system of behaviour reporting. We used to have to do these green triplicated forms, and pass them around the world and his wife for actioning. The kids would see you fetch them out of your bag and would instantly either start behaving like angels or would kick off in a �if I�m gonna get reported, I�m gonna make her go on to a 2nd page� type way. Nowadays, we can report straight to our laptops (where we take the registers, too) so the kids rarely know that they�ve worn your patience sufficiently thin to warrant a report. For the first couple of days, the reports were a bit vague (�Tom was disruptive�) but we were told we had to be specific, in case we needed to refer back to an incident at a later date.

OMFG, they are the FUNNIEST things I have read in too TOO long. Seriously, one of the highlights of my day is to go to �reports� at the end of the day and read what others have written. I�m sure I shouldn�t laugh, but �Inappropriate Behaviour: Tom took a metre rule, stuck it between his legs, waved it at Janine and yelled �look at my massive cock�. 30 min detention.� is comedy gold, boys and girls. So is (a very elderly and prudish teacher reporting) �he said �fuck off, miss. Have you got a mental problem or something� and then stood on one leg, forced a loud fart out and, flapping his hands, waved it about the room. Instructed to open windows then sent to work in Mr Smiths office,� Honestly, it seems like the more po-faced the teacher is in real life, the more florid their reports become. Every now and then, there�s a �case review� for the repeat offenders and I�m just LONGING for the day someone has to read out loud a bucketload of �when asked to use creative adjectives, Ashleigh shouted out �Dillon�s dick is MINISCULE�� or �Janet was crying because Julie and Wendy said her boyfriend is a paedo as he is in year 11 and she is year 9�.

I took a year 11 technology class today and had to confiscate a mobile phone from a boy who�s usually well-behaved, as he was texting in class. It wasn�t until Jooj and I were on our way home tonight, that she showed me a text she�d received from that boy � �I am in tech. we hav got yr mum. ha ha. epic.�

*shakes head*

later
s
x

PS The giveaway! I forgot about the giveaway! I must say, you aren�t a very acquisitional bunch, are you? You didn�t really want anything much at all! Just to say, L is doing some recording of a few songs with me singing lead on and, when they�re ready, I may well burn a few copies for those who expressed an interest. Oh, and I�m still trialling orange choc muffin recipes (Ommy Nom Nom) and will let you know when I perfect the spongy little suckers. Or will let you know when I explode from eating too much muffins. Whichever be the sooner!

PPS the link to the music box tune seems to not work and comes up with some kind of apology and a 'however, we DID find..' message. If you click on THAT link, it should play. I hope so.



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