Boring Tuesday Night

2011-08-23, 11:52 p.m.
When I did the laundry this afternoon, there were about a dozen pairs of my knickers (was going to say �pants� there, but there�s always too much US/UK ambiguity with that) but only TWO PAIRS of L�s boxers. I do not wish to think why this might be so, but I am certainly hypothesising that its not MY personal hygiene that needs to be called into question.

There is always the possibility, of course, that I will happen upon a stash of �pre-worn� boxers in some other household locality but its not fantastically likely.


Dear Teenagers and Young People of Diaryland

Please accept my heartfelt apologies for the myriad notes and comments I have been leaving for you this week. I cannot help it. I am a mummy AND a teacher, but school is out til 7th Sept and my daughters are on holiday in Ireland with their daddy. I have nobody to nag, cajole, boss around, giggle/shop/look at boys with and nobody to cuddle who is still light enough to sit on my lap for the duration.

I appreciate your taking the time to be indulgent while I treat you all as my own.

Lots of love
Stepfordmummy


Tomorrow (Weds) is GCSE Results Day so Im going to go into school for an hour or so as my Year 11s will be coming in to get their results slips. I also have to pick up one for Jooj who did GCSE Film Studies a year early. As the gym I use is at the school, I could go there afterwards�but that would involve me turning up to see my Year 11s whilst wearing my gym clothes and that WILL NOT DO. I shall have to inconveniently walk back home, change into gym clothes and walk all the way back. Yes, I really do look THAT shitty in trackie bottoms. At least I wont have to do any kind of warm up when I do eventually get to the gym as I will have walked about a squillion miles back and forth.

I really do think I ought to stay there for a nice long while, too, as I haven�t been for a couple of days and my membership will run out soon. Cant afford to renew it so will have to think of a Plan B for next term � possibly take a few more PE classes instead of passing them off on the younger, bendier staff. Im deffo not doing Girls Football this year tho as it damn near killed me last year and I really AM too old for footie now (and cannot stretch for an overhead kick without the possibility of a bit of wee coming out!).

There�s so many clubs that I want to start/get involved with but none of them involve much running about. Ive kind of got an idea for a Prom Club, which would be all kinds of skills which we could then use to make next years prom really good without spending extra cash. I could easily teach pattern cutting and dressmaking to anyone who wants to make their own Prom Dress and I thought we could also include some lessons on making table centres, invitation design, party decorations etc etc so that, by the time next summer comes around I will have a little army of kids who could help make all the things that make a party look fabulous.

Im also interested in some kind of cookery club, especially as I know that there are kids who aren�t having a proper meal when they get home from school. Funnily enough, these are the same kids who bring in a bag of Haribo and a can of Relentless for lunch. Maybe some kind of �Cook Your Family Dinner� club might be an idea, with super low-cost meals (Im an EXPERT at those!) and a bit of a nod towards �when you leave home this would be easy for you to make and would feed you for a couple of days� type thing. Basically, Im thinking something along the lines of the old Home Economics lessons which I did as a kid � not �Food and Nutrition� which helps you understand what a carbohydrate IS but not why you might want to eat it, and not �Food Technology� which is far too bloody much about stuff that comes in boxes as far as I can see. Our school also offers Catering as a subject but not every kid takes it and it�s the ones that don�t that Im interested in � after all, everyone has to eat, don�t they? And not everyone gets to stand on a stool by their mummy�s side, wearing a tea towel for an apron and learning that cooking is FUN.

I wish Id had more kids.

Stuff that�s coming up soon (which I may or may not write about!):

2 Open Mic Nights (Friday and Sunday) � don�t have anything to sing yet but Im sure I�ll think of something.

Caribbean Night at the workies � Im making edible table centres with pineapples and cocktail umbrellas and all that kind of stuff. There�s a limbo competition but I don�t think my aged vertebra would stand it. Also, it�s a wee bit too cold for appropriate fancy dress � Sarong and Anorak, anyone?

August Bank Holiday Monday � gathering of the clans at our house. All the family for a big feed up. This one with a nod towards my transatlantic friends in all their variety � I�m making that yummy shredded chicken I told you about before and Im also (as we speak) marinating a brisket for real home made corned beef. UK People � this foodstuff has NOTHING to do with the Go-Cat burgundy and white block o� fat which comes in an impenetrable can. It is a real food, kind of like a hot pastrami. Sort of.

Almost forgot � Jooj and Treacle come home on SATURDAY. Yayyyyyyy! (The Yay-ing wasn�t me, it was all those dear sweet d�land people Ive been pestering the very life out of this week cos Ive been child-bereft).

But now Im going to go sink a couple of large whiskies and head towards my bed. Soonish.

S
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