You know when you go on Youtube, yeh? And there's mostly all these grainy clips of footage where you cant really make out whats going on and the sound is rubbish so you cant really hear anything, yeh? I always wondered what sort of saddo posted those kind of things and what would motivate someone to think that someone else would want to watch them.
Saturday night, L and I went to see Tim Minchin. It was a really good gig, although the sound was a bit cack � not due to anything Tim's people were doing, its just that the Guildhall is a big square stone box, more suited (said Tim) "to Guilding activities". We were up in the gods, three rows from the back, but we could still see pretty well, even tho L and I were sat one behind the other (couldn�t get two seats together. Still, meant I didn�t have to spend the whole damn night explaining all the jokes).
Anyway, I finally worked out where all those dumb grainy, distorted Youtube clips come from. FROM MORONS 'VIDEOING' BITS OF THE SHOW ON THEIR MOBILE PHONES.
Seriously, guys, what is that FOR?! The three cretinous scrubbers in front of us spent the entire gig waving phones above their heads and watching back the fabulous footage they'd just recorded. The only conclusion that I could draw was that these people are so conditioned by TV and PC and Wii and Xbox, that they are only able to watch something if it appears on a screen in front of them. The concept of 'live' is utterly lost on them.
Everytime they went for a new shot, their phones would light up and shine behind them (ie into the eyes of the people in the row behind) (ie US). I would like to have thought that they were just three isolated incidences but, no. From our lofty vantage point I could see every sodding phone screen in the place, glinting their malevolent LCD eyes at the end of some wavering studenty arm. And THERE WERE LOADS! At one point Tim Minchin singled out someone in the audience and told them to stop. They didn�t. He told them if the footage ended up on Youtube he knew where they lived and he was going to go round their house and kill them. That didn�t do the trick either. In the end he just carried on, with all these little lights shining in his eyes. The poor bastard.
Im well aware that this is going to make me sound like an ancient old codger but ferchristsake STOP! Just watch the bloody show, laugh, sing along, clap and then go home. If you want to watch the show again, you can get the DVD for about a tenner, then you can watch it in focus, with unwobbly sound, in its entirety. Hell, you can even skip back and watch the bits again that you didn�t understand cos your goldfish-like attention span lost track of pretty much everything apart from "Take Your Canvas Bags To The Supermarket". Years ago�actually, not that many years ago, if you so much as whipped out an instamatic the usherettes would be on you like cornetto wielding polyester hawks, confiscating your Kodak or, if you looked like you might have already taken too many pictures (in this context, 'too many' = about 3), would just throw you out of the theatre.
If they'd done that on Saturday night it would've thinned the audience by about 15%.
Oh yeh. I forgot.
To: the FOUR people who bought front row tickets and then didn�t turn up.
You are bastards. I know this because Tim Minchin pointed out your empty seats and said "They could even be bothered to show up. The bastards." If you cant go to a show, next time take your tickets back to the theatre � someone will probably buy them. Probably someone who wants to sit with their partner. Preferably in the front row rather than in the gods.
Love from L and Stepfie (seats F1 and G1) and the big fat blonde girl in the lacy tights and her thin dark boyfriend with a 'tache(seats K1 and K376890) who texted each other throughout the show to let each other know what bits they were finding funny. *sigh*
Anyways, Ive scoured Youtube for stuff that WASN�T recorded on a bloody iPhone (Oh, and amateur 'cameramen' - see if there's an app for removing it from your arse if you sit in front of me again at the theatre) and Ive found this one, which shows off Tim's AWESOME piano playing:
And, because you should:
Later
S
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