My job has been made redundant.
Last Thursday, Slaveboy and I were called into a meeting and told that our department would be merged with the Call Centre into one glutinous mass of "Business Services". We were invited to apply for a choice of roles in the Call Centre � the highest grade of these pays around 30% less than I currently earn and involves shift work and a Saturday rota.
At that point, I stood up, said "Yeh. That could happen." and went home. Nobody seemed surprised.
Slaveboy had holiday time booked and has been away from the office ever since.
Next morning, Evil Dolores stopped by my desk. She said "How are you feeling this morning?" I said "Fine. Why?" "Ummm. Well, I just thought��..Would you like a little chat in my office?"
�����.long pause�����
"No. No, I wouldn�t. Not unless you have something specific you want to tell me about, no. Look, Evil Dolores, I don�t know what it is you're expecting me to say, so I cant say it. What I can say is that Im busy so�..if you wouldn�t mind��"
"Oh. Right. OK."
Today I had a meeting with our new HR lady. She only works part-time and she's only been at Twat Inc for about two months. Bless her, she's been having a right shitty day. I had already requested that Evil Dolores NOT be at this Consultation Meeting, I explained it to HRlady thus:
"I would like you to do my consultation meeting. I don�t want Evil Dolores to be present. For the record, I don�t think it would serve any useful purpose to have her here. Off the record, I struggle to be in the same room as her without wanting to punch her and Im not sure that would be particularly constructive."
She agreed.
I spent a merry hour outlining the lies I'd been told, the indignities I'd suffered, the bad practice that is prevalent in the company and the general catalogue of disasters which has led to my present predicament. HRlady audibly gasped in one or two places, shook her head sadly in others and admitted that it probably wasn�t in anyone's best interests for me to stay. I also took the opportunity to point out Evil Dolores' shortcomings � I stopped just short of a Powerpoint presentation, if Im honest, but there were plenty of concrete and irrefutable incidences of her incompetence and total lack of understanding of the department, the business and which way round to sit on the toilet. I was impressed to see that HRlady can make a perfect "O" with her mouth if she is shocked enough.
She praised my professionalism and asked how we could progress.
I said, "Just let me know how to make the maximum amount of money in the minimum amount of time here. How much can I get and when can I go?".
About an hour later she called me back into her office and told me my severance package. She said I could leave immediately if I wanted, or in any case, the latest I would have to stay would be 8th May.
Because I am a nice person and because Slaveboy is on holiday, I have generously agreed to work for the remainder of this week and possibly a day or so next week just so that I don�t drop my friends (in other departments) in the shit. Either way, I will be out of there long before next weekend.
Late this afternoon, Evil Dolores saw me passing her office and called me to go in. She was sat down and she looked very small and very red in the face and a little bit like she was going to cry.
She said "I just wanted to thank you for being so professional and for dealing with this whole business so well. Umm. Thank you."
I let her sit there for about ten seconds, looking up into my face. Ten seconds is really quite a long time to do that. I did honestly think she was going to cry, or that she was afraid something very bad was about to happen.
Then I held my hand out. She took it and we shook hands � her hand was a bit soggy and I probably shook it a bit harder than was strictly necessary. I said "You're welcome." And I said it nicely.
I have no job to go to (but a couple of things outstanding that Im quite hopeful about), my severance pay will last about three months if I am frugal. The mortgage didn�t get any smaller, I still have two kids and a feckless lazy-arse of a husband. I am sure that I should be feeling suicidal with worry over how I am going to get through this��but I don�t.
I feel strangely elated.