No, its far more tedious than that.
Firstly, the development project that I have been sweating blood over for the last three months and for which I spent my sick time last week trying to write a training programme when I can only guess at how the finished product will work and on which I was supposed to be training my recalcitrant sales team next Wednesday, has been pushed back because �its not ready yet�.
I have been saying "How the fuck am I supposed to train on this, its not ready yet" for quite a while (like a month!) but had just been getting "You�re so defeatist" looks from all and sundry.
Its been getting me down, dear readers. In a Black Dog-ian kind of way. I just couldn�t see how I could accurately present training (on a topic that Im sketchy on to say the least), when every section would have to start "Of course, it wont look like this when its finished�."
But other people who get paid a lot more than me and know a shit more about this stuff than me have all been insisting that it WILL be ready and so I was starting to think that it was just ME. Im thick, they're all brilliant, I cant do my job cos Im a retard and they're all sighing and shaking their heads pityingly behind my back. The kind of stuff which kind of eats away at you after a while and makes you feel a bit weepy and rubbish and stupid and old and inadequate.
But a chance remark from the MD had them all going "Ahh�.Ummmm�well, no�.that bit wont actually be READY by then�.Errr, no, not that bit either�.Ummm�..and that bit's still in development�.sort of" Until he threw his toys out of his pram and told Dolores to cancel the training as there is "no point half training on something that's not ready".
Aaaaaaaaaand relax! I didn�t realise quite how much it had been affecting me and how worried I was about it until I didn�t have to do it any more and then I actually felt just a teeny bit like smiling for the first time in ages.
Before it wore off I went to the IT Director and the Software manager and had a little meeting. Our Software Manager is lovely � sweet and kind and always wiling to help. Unfortnately he is also an astonishing egghead and talks in a language I don�t understand. I would say that this is because I don�t know much about software�and that would be true, but its also because he comes from far-flung-lands (I wont say which ones cos it just makes me sound racist) and his accent is so heavy that even tho I know the words he is saying are in English I struggle to understand one word in ten. When he speaks all I hear is:
"bluhblluhbuhbluhinterfacebluhblubpropertiesbluhbluhbluhbluhbluhfunctionalitybluhbluhbluh bluhSequel queryblubluhblubluhreporting toolbluhbluhbluh
I've tried nodding and smiling and that seems to make him stop. Come to think of it, he does that when I talk to HIM�maybe he's struggling just as much to understand me!! Maybe he hears:
"mimimimimimimthingymimimimimimimExcel whatsitmimimimimwrote it on my padmimimimimimimI love your shirtmimimimimimI fucked it upmimimimimcoffee everywheremimimimimimimbastardsmimimimimimimAwww, thanks, you ARE sweeeet!"
Anyway, I got the IT Director to translate�.mediate�..help and I finally managed to get the point across that I didn�t know what I was supposed to be doing and I didn�t understand the instructions.
The IT Director explained in words of one syllable or less what I needed to do and why I needed to do it and then I understood and then I asked if they would do this, this and THIS and the IT Director converted my sensible but non-technical requests into some sort of programming nonsense and it streamed back out of his mouth and into the Software manager's ears and he said the clearest thing I have ever heard him say, which was "Yes. We can do that for you." And then I felt a little bit like crying all over again.
We ARE still having the Field Team Meeting on Wednesday but now it'll all be about reporting and documenting and processes and compliance and shit that I know LOADS about and I will be able to stand at the front of the room with a flip chart and a stern look on my face and lay down the law because I. Am. The. God. Of. Organisation. (Well, OK, the Manager of organisation, but its practically the same, surely?)
Ooh, and while Im being all stern and God-like and knowing about all sorts of shit and stuff, I shall be wearing these:
Ohmygollygosh they are SOOOOO lovely. I cant wear hold ups any more, I think Ive developed an allergy to the silicon in the stay-up bit as it makes a ring of blisters right round my porky thigh and tights are just�..well��well, they're just HORRID. And they give you a sweaty mimsy.
Unfortunately its been really difficult to get decent suspenders in recent years as they seemed to have moved from "normal day wear" to "bedroom and specialist website only" so when I found those, with proper metal clips and SIX decent sized bands instead of four flimsy ones�well�.I bought three sets.
If you are a stockings wearer I URGE you in the strongest terms to get some of these. They're super-comfortable in a wear-all-day way, they don�t ping open at embarrassing moments and if you should find yourself getting undressed in front of my husband, they are guaranteed to get you a shag as he finds them astonishingly horny.
But I digress!
The other thing that I did today which is making me feel all floaty light is that I finally plucked up the courage (and as a girl who cant say no, this really took some doing!) to text all and sundry and tell them that I am giving up teaching singing at Easter. No more murdered pop tunes, no more breathing exercises, no more late nights in the studio trying to make one decent take out of 400 shit ones so that Mrs "Ive always wanted to be a singer" would have a CD of herself butchering 'Still The One' to play at Mother and Toddler "Bring an Embarrassed Silence to The Room" coffee mornings. In short, no more forcing myself to do something unpleasant and demeaning in the evenings for the equivalent of �10 an hour. Lets face it, g's and b's, my days of doing THAT were over in about 1983!
Later
S
x