Treacle is NINE!
2008-12-22, 7:10 p.m.
Wee Treacle had a birthday!
And then she had a party�with a Sci-fi theme. We had lots of jolly splendid fun
Proof, if proof were needed, that after many months of patient instruction, 46 year old musicians can be taught to make stripy jelly cups. (Orangutans have been taught to speak in less time). Still, onwards and upwards � today stripy jelly cups�tomorrow pepper steak *winks at singledadguy*
I seem to have lost my cake-making mojo. In the last week I have made two sponge cakes � one of which was so dense that, appropriately for a Sci-Fi themed party, anti-matter was swirling around it. The other strangely domed and shiny looking when it came out of the oven but by the time Id fetched my cooling rack from the cupboard had shrunk to a leathery wrinkled disc of styrofoam. Needless to say they both went in the bin. My sponge cakes are usually at least 25 feet high and are as light and fluffy as the breath of an angel.
Treac and I had a crisis meeting cos it was already nearly nine o clock (yesterday) and we went to Asd@.
Shop-bought cakes are shit. We looked through all the Hannah Montana cakes and the Spongebob cakes and the Barbie cakes and the Transformers cakes. There was a dalek cake but it was iced in dog-poo brown fondant and we both knew it was unlikely to taste good.
We bought a plain white cake with candles already in it and I promised I�d dress it up a bit for her. I think I succeeded
Treacle made a most fetching (if slightly fair of hairdo!) Princess Leia, although I was cursing her very name when I was finishing off her costume at midnight on Thursday
And because there are few greater pleasures than getting shot at point blank range by a nine year old female stormtrooper, whose weapon of choice is a SuperSoaker covered in Bacofoil
The games were many and plentiful and mostly involved the winning of enormous amounts of sweets. With some newly-purchased window paints I created a huge multi-coloured Dalek on the patio doors and we fashioned an �exterminator� out of a whisk and some plastic suckers to play pin the tail on the donkey stick the ray-gun on the dalek. It seemed to work quite well � L was in charge of that particular game as I was making party tea � nobody cried and enormous amounts of sweets were won. Came a little bit unstuck vis a vis the �removeability� of said window paint�something of a misnomer there, methinks. Anyways, I managed to convince L that it was coming off easily until he went off to do something else later in the evening, then I found hacking at it with a palette knife and swearing profusely under my breath seemed to get most of it all over the carpet in tiny multicoloured specks off.
Next time I use it (and there will be a next time cos it looked so cool and there�s so many things I can use it for - smashthegas, Im thinking of an extension to the downstairs loo message board? Conservatory windows?), I resolve to put it on MUCH thicker as the blobby bits where I�d been a bit heavy-handed just peeled off easily. It was the �fine-art� bits which were stuck firmer than winnets to a Witney.
The Christmas trees are now up and Ive worked out how Im going to cook my Christmas goose (and my slightly less seasonal leg-of-pork � the goose is not huge and Ive only recently found out my sister is coming home from Belgium for the festivities and will be spending it at the Palace of Many Sins. Lemme hear ya say �WooooooHooooooo�). Having spent about as much as I could afford without spending the new year in the debtors� prison it was somehow ironic that, in Friday nights� meat draw at the workies, I won not only a huge turkey, almost the size of the country itself) but also a slab of steak so big that one could fashion from it a beefy headstone for the poor cow from whence it came.
Note: I struggled to find something that was big and heavy and flat to use for comparison purposes there. I was thinking paving slab but I�d already said slab and then I thought �raft�, but to where would one be sailing on a raft made of steak? Cowes? Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaaaaaaa! (sorry � local joke). Gravestone was the best I could do. If you want to submit your own, please do. There�s no prize, we�ve eaten all the birthday party Haribo.
Work continues to be fucking horrible � I am applying for other jobs in a carpet-bombing type way � I HAVE to hit something eventually. Its busy busy busy and not very seasonal � some cretin thought it a good idea to dump the departmental Christmas tree on my desk. That�s obviously part of my duties now � �make this scabrous tinsel twig look lustrous and joyful even tho we have left you NO BAUBLES which have all been nabbed by other departments�.
Slaveboy and I (in a short-lived ceasefire) decorated the tree with pink organza ribbons nicked from the photshoot cupboard, the �princess lights� we drape round people�s desks when its their birthday and a hastily-fashioned cardboard cutout of Fairy Princess Barbie attached to a paper cup as a tree topper. As we stood back to admire our handiwork, he said �Do you think we�ve captured our very essence here?�. I fixed him with my steely gaze (actually, I was scowling anyway from the sheer futility of it all, he just happened to be in the way) and said �Slaveboy. It is a tree decorated by a gay man and middle aged woman who habitually dresses like a 6 year old girl. What else was it EVER going to look like?�. �Hmm,� he said, �Good point.�
Later, the MD stopped by on his way to Troy�s office. I saw him do a double take at the tree. �What?� I said. �Ummm, nothing.� He muttered, as he skulked away.
Proper update very very soon