Joojie and a case of whine

2008-11-27, 9:38 p.m.

Yeh, well, anyways. It was Joojï¿½s birthday. Despite the spots and the braces and heavy-handed eyeliner, I still think she looks bloody lovely for 13.

Thatï¿½s my dress sheï¿½s wearing. Itï¿½s the one I wore to my 21st Birthday Party. Jooj is astonished at how skinny I was as the dress is pretty tight on her (and she had to undo it for sitting-down-and-having-her-hair-done). Donï¿½t think sheï¿½ll still be fitting in it next year! No wonder my folks were always trying to get me to eat stuff!

I did manage to do all the shopping for the party ï¿½ my mum came with me and provided a much-needed banking service. The flower wholesalers had some nice stuff in and I managed to get floral decorations and cupcake mountain all done by Friday evening. Im pretty pleased with how both of them turned out (which is much better than you would think from this picture!)

It was a nice, fun evening ï¿½ Shagnasty and his family were conspicuous by their absence. Apparently they didnï¿½t know it was ï¿½a family partyï¿½. Obviously I wrote my email explaining exactly that in Swahili by mistake. Shagnasty himself told me in a slightly panicky tone that heï¿½d ï¿½already made plansï¿½. I guess that meant he was out with Awee and was to scared to tell her heï¿½d double booked himself, cos, like, it could be confusing to have to remember the birthday of EVERY daughter you have, couldnï¿½t it, especially if you have, like, TWO of ï¿½em!! Anyways, we all breathed a bit sigh of relief (including Jooj) cos it just meant there was one thing less to worry about and we made sure we ate loads and danced loads and had fun loads and jumped around loads.

Couple of weeks time it will be Treacleï¿½s birthday ï¿½ slightly smaller scale (only half a dozen or so guests) and she wants a ï¿½spaceï¿½ theme. Any suggestions for games, decorations etc gratefully received!!

So. Thatï¿½s the good stuff out of the way then! Lets fill the rest of the entry up with the usual amount of whiny crap.

Donï¿½t get me wrong, I know thereï¿½s plenty in the world (and plenty here on dï¿½land) who are having a much worse time than me, with much bigger problems than me, but hey, if I donï¿½t bitch here, where can I bitch? Id have toï¿½ï¿½.ummmmï¿½ï¿½.tell people how Im feeling! Real people! And that would be SOOOOOO wrong Bï¿½s and Gï¿½s.

Welcome to Stepfieï¿½s Whine Catalogue.

Only the finest whines for your delectation:

I am supposed to be going to the dentist tomorrow morning. About 5.45 one of my coworkers called me at home to tell me the dentist had called. Instead of giving them my home number she took their number for me to call them. I did. I got a recorded message saying ï¿½Sorry. This phone does not accept incoming calls.ï¿½ Thatï¿½s nice and helpful then. Now I will have to drive all the way to ChavVille in spec in the morning. I expect they were wanting to rearrange the appointmentï¿½..but how can I tell?

Remember a previous well-aired whine about having to have bits snipped off my girl parts with a pair of grape scissors and how utterly rubbish it all was? Well, they looked at the bits of girl-part under their special girl-part microscope and after yelling ï¿½Oi! Stepfordbro! I can see your sisterï¿½s minge if I look in here!ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½..

( I expect they did that. Boys used to shout stuff like that at my brother a lot, back in the early 80s. He would come home from college, hold me down and fart on me and then say ï¿½You gave Gary Brown* a blowjob in the bus stationï¿½ or ï¿½You flashed your tits in Floaters** on Saturdayï¿½. He was always having to punish me for some serious show-up that I thought Iï¿½d got away with but had come back to haunt me in the shape of my brotherï¿½s gossipy mates)

*I googled him. He doesnï¿½t come up. Thank God.
** Nightclub (now defunct) in ChavVille. Could tell you some interesting local history stuff there but Iï¿½ll save it for another time

ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½ï¿½I digress! Anyways, after looking in the microscope they have decided that they now need to chop off a big chunk of the inside of my foo. Iï¿½d like to think they are going to display it, like a piece of the Berlin Wall, with a sign saying ï¿½Stepfieï¿½s Foo (fragment). Place of pilgrimage and worship for teenage boys throughout the 1980sï¿½. But I suspect they are going to go ï¿½eeeeuww! Thatï¿½s yucky!ï¿½ And throw it in the bin. And then I will be all better apparently cos there is a 90% change of no recurrence of abnormal foo-age after such mingecedures. Hoorah!

I wont be able to have a shag for four weeks afterwards. HoorOOH. *big sigh* perhaps if I hadnï¿½t had such astonishing amounts of cock in the first place I wouldnï¿½t be in this mess, cos, lets face it, the gynae nurses are very fond of telling you that promiscuity can give you ~~minge rot~~ cervical cancer, arenï¿½t they?! OH! I donï¿½t have cervical cancer! Sorry! Didnï¿½t mean to scare you! Itï¿½s the pre-cancerous thing theyï¿½re dealing with not the actual real crappy stuff, which is why I can be so terribly flippant about the whole thing and not feel in the least little bit like crying and crying and crying and why Im not in the least little bit frightened about it all. Ahem.

My job. It sucks. After last weekï¿½s catalogue of disasters, previously documented under the heading ï¿½stuff which makes me wish I was deadï¿½ I can now report that there is about to be some serious meltdown of processes, clients, staff and professional reputations. The ï¿½bossesï¿½ ï¿½ that means ï¿½the people who are paid at least ï¿½20K more than meï¿½ not ï¿½the people who know everything about how the company worksï¿½ have come up with a fabulous money making idea. Unfortunately, they didnï¿½t think to run it by anyone first before they tried to implement it, with the result that nobody really knows how it is going to work on a day-to-day basis, nobody knows how to fix the problems which are already bubbling up in a scary and unwelcome way, like a noxious case of the farts when youï¿½re at a funeral ï¿½ despite the official launch of the scheme still being four days away, and nobody appears willing to take responsibility for not researching it properly in the first place.

As I found out about these schemes just a few weeks ago ï¿½ nobody had sought my opinion or help with their planning, inception or functionality, nor even thought to tell me what they were hoping to achieve ï¿½ I booked myself a weekï¿½s holiday for next week.

First day of my holiday = First day of launch of new scheme

Today I was asked to complete four remedial projects to be put in place on Monday. Sadly, although I have tried my best and have done all the groundwork (plans of works, correspondence drafts etc), in the ONE DAY I had, I will not be able to implement those ~~Top Brass Ass Saving~~ projects because, as I pointed out with immeasurable glee in innumerable emails this afternoon ï¿½I am at the dentist on Friday morning and will be taking a weeks holiday from Mondayï¿½. I hope they fucking well implode.

Yours, bitter and twistedï¿½.but just a little bit smug.

S
x

PS I forgot to say 'Happy Happy Thanksgiving' to all my little pondside chums - may you all have plenty to be thankful for in the coming year. *kisses you all*

back - forth