Im sure it'll be ILLUMINATING! hahaha, Im hysterical, me.

2008-10-02, 10:40 p.m.
Eek! Gotta be quick, B�s and G�s � not absolutely NO time and a shitload of stuff to tell you about.

First off, somebody sent me this link which I thought was jolly hilarious, even tho I don�t do Facebook and don�t really understand it!

But, BUT, THEN! I fished around on the site a bit more and found
THIS gem which is even funnier. Or maybe its just funny to me, as a heavy duty porn abuser.

*thinks* Actually, CAN one �abuse� porn? Surely �abuse� implies �improper use of�. Maybe that�s like, having a stash of wank mags but only using them to prop up the wobbly leg of the coffee table? Using a clit-clip to hold a wad of fivers in one�s purse? Hee hee, maybe �alcohol abuse� is using Chardonnay to clean the grout between the tiles in the downstairs lav. Or topping up the car radiator with single malt.

Anyway, I digress. This week�s been a bloody nightmare as I�ve been styling a photoshoot.

You may think: Photoshoot = glamorous location, models, money, swanning about. The horrid truth is Photoshoot = cold, chapped hands, long periods of interminable boredom, clambering about over sheets of plywood artfully painted to look like �wealthy person�s house� and STAIRS.

There�s four flights of stairs (or two floors) between the room where we were making the products to be shot and the room where we were shooting the photos. The first day of the shoot (Mon) I was artfully painting the aforementioned boards. Many and several shades of beige, which, as I was working outside so the paint fumes didn�t gas everyone, soon just looked like ONE shade of beige, meaning I couldn�t tell which ones had had two coats of paint and which ones were still to do. It was windy and the bloody things kept blowing over � on one occasion, the one Id just done (I think it was the beige one) fell over against the ciggy bin and a huge cloud of weeks old cigarette ash blew up like a bloody Marlboro Mushroom Cloud and settled all over my new paintwork. And all over me. I said FuckettyFuckFuck quite a lot, then.

Anyway, by the second day, my back was aching from the painting and the lugging the boards around and THEN came the stairs. A rough estimate (I started to count and then forgot and then remembered again next day) was that I walked/ran/dragged myself up and down those stairs around 50 � 60 times on each of the two �shooting� days (Tues and Weds). That�s 200-240 flights of stairs or 100-120 floors. That�s ONE FUCKING BIG BUILDING!!!!!

Needless to say, I now have thighs like Reg Bloody Harris �.dont worry, I�ll wait while you click the link. Nobody knows who he is except me.

I am absolutely sure that these new-found steely thighs will be put to good use between tomorrow and Monday night tho, as I. Am. Off. To. BLACKPOOL!!!!!

Now, before you start to get impressed and jealous and all that kind of thing about me going off on such a cosmopolitan jaunt and not taking any of you with me, I would point out just one or two little nuggets of info which may colour your judgement somewhat.

This trip has been organized by The Workies. UK readers are already groaning with horror. US readers must trust their googling skills to fully understand the implications here. The addition of L and I to the participants on this jolly has lowered the average age to around the 60 mark. Some of the people going with us are called Alfie, Cyril, Renee (that�s ReeeNeee, not R�nay) and �Jackie Polyester*�. We�re traveling by coach (5 HOURS!) and have already been promised �bingo, a quiz and a raffle� during the journey.

At the meeting to discuss the itinerary, L and I had to stuff our hands in our mouths as we were weeping with laughter. We plan to be very VERRRRY drunk for the full 4 days and to take many many pictures of the supreme awfulness of it all.

The hotel we�re staying at (dinner, bed and breakfast natch � all we�ll need is a bag of chips at lunchtime) has a website but I will spare you that until I get back. Its costing us �120 each for 4 days including travel. I call that astonishingly cheap. I am expecting it to be dreadful but we are going to have SUCH FUN!!!!

L�s gonna go on some roller coasters, I want donkey rides on the beach (!) and Ive bet smashthegas that I can give L a blow job on the coach without getting caught.

Until Tuesday then.

S
x

*Jackie Polyester doesn�t own a single article of clothing made from natural fibres. She positively CRACKLES when she walks.




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