Been to LA! (Little'Ampton!)
2008-08-12, 8:44 p.m.
So. No fatwas got issued and, it appears, even those who didn�t agree with me are still talking to me. Jolly good then.Saturday afternoon we went to the most horrifically boring party in the history of the universe (and Ive been to parties hosted by The Young Conservatives, ChavVille Chamber of Commerce AND the octogenarian nuns from my old school, so I KNOW a boring party!). Bearing in mind the host and hostess are a good 10 years younger than L and I, it was shocking to see just how�ummm�dull two people can be, given enough access to Marks and Spencer and BBC2. The next most interesting people there (after L The Fascinating and Stepfie the Enchanting, obviously) were my mum and dad. When L and I left, after about two hours of warm wine, cold food, NO MUSIC and conversation which drifted seamlessly from mortgage rates to patio heaters to campsites on the Isle of Wight, I thought I saw my dad look at us longingly. My mum gave me a kiss, which is quite unusual for her, but I got the impression it was the sort of kiss a mother might give her child as the child escapes on the last lifeboat, mama waving her handkerchief as the liner slips under the waves and the band play Abide With Me.
I haven�t spoken to my mother since the weekend so I can only assume she made it out safely, before the sea of beige polyester completely overwhelmed her and my poor father, clutching his glass of Valpolicella and blinking back the tears.
Went straight to the workies, naturally, and met up with Lee and Anne Marie and Lee�s kids. There was a �band� on, astonishingly shit as usual but, to be honest, it was still better than the party we�d left. I�d been driving so I got stuck into the whisky in an attempt to catch up and was fairly well-oiled by 10 ish. Well-oiled enough for me to force Lee and Anne Marie onto the (empty) dance floor for a slow dance only to find my husband had nipped out for a smoke and I was sat by myself! Not to be outdone, I pressganged sweet talked Rick into dancing with me and he had the good grace to look nervous and awkward throughout.
Back home for more drinkies and a spirited discussion on �why the bands in the workies are shit�. Musical instruments came out and some of them got played properly. Some others (*ahem*, like this Tokai Strat for example) were only played by drunk tarts running through their repertoire of �Rock �n� Roll Gurning�, as you can see:
I hope that this will prove to y�all, once and for all, that a) I drink too much b) I cannot play the guitar and c) I have no shame.
Despite the fact that he was stood right in front of me, I emailed Lee about 1000 songs that his kids and I are insisting he learns to play on the guitar, sing-songs for the enlivening of! If you have never heard a drunk middle-aged woman and two teenage girls singing Rockstar, you haven�t lived, dear readers.
Once Lee and AnneMarie had been thrown out left, at about 2, L and I settled down to the serious business of doobies and diaries. If the splendid and endlessly entertaining elliestuff would like to send me her email address, I have the BEST photo to send her�..but its not for general release!!
It wasn�t til I was looking through the photos the next morning that I figured I REALLY needed to get my roots done. No hairdo shops open on Sunday so we spent the day�ummm�doing nothing and I beetled off to the hairdressers for a chop on Monday after a few bits of farting about (going to B & Q, getting curtain rings etc etc etc). Back home in plenty of time to re-touch the tarmac on which my field of corn was laid and here I am restored to my former glory. Or at least, looking less like Gloria Hunniford and more like Billy Idol�s mum.
Note how I have learned how to fart about with pictures on Photobucket. I can even make myself into a cartoon (as if I haven�t already!).
Yesterday�s activities also included dancing around the kitchen and singing along to both Werewolves of London AND Sweet Home Alabama as part of a music appreciation interlude which started with Kid Rock and ended with Jooj singing Busted�s �Year 3000 to the intro for Sweet Home Alabama. We were quite impressed with our fabulousness until L came in while we were doing it and said, in the voice of Arnold Rimmer �ah, yes, same chord progression but in a different key, obviously�. Smart arse.
The only man in the entire universe, dear readers, who feels it necessary to employ the use of a laser level when putting up a curtainpole.
The dozy tit.
We also spent an inordinate amount of time trying to fix a bike rack onto our respective cars. The picture on the back of the box shows said bike rack, fixed to a Citroen Xsara and bears the legend �fits most cars�. As my BiL had given it to us as it wouldn�t fit on his car (a Seat - hatchback), and it doesn�t fit on L�s car (Volvo � estate) or my car (Mazda � coupe/saloon) we have reached the conclusion that it actually is designed to fit on��..a Citroen Xsara (stupid bubble car that people who go to centreparcs and think its �countryside� drive). This meant we couldn�t take our bikes for the proposed trip to the seaside to visit Sis today.
With the benefit of hindsight, we can see that this was no real hardship as horizontal rain and hurricane force winds do not ideal cycling weather make! Especially for an eight year old who has only just worked out how to ride without stabilisers. We drove down in my car, with Abba blaring on the stereo and me and the kids singing all the words and dancing all the dances � me with one hand, obviously, as I was driving at the time. Lorry drivers at traffic lights seemed to find this amusing.
Stopped at Sis�s house for egg mayo doorstop sandwiches and a cuppa before going on to Littlehampton, where we wandered around the charity shops picking up books (the kids) and bits of vintage glassware (me), having vetoed the beach fairly early on. The hurricane winds were whipping up the sands, mixing them with the rain, and then throwing them at our faces with such force that we felt like we�d been flayed. On the way back to the car we stopped for an ice cream and sat behind some curious boxlike structures (out of the wind) to eat them. After a while, Jooj asked what the big box thingies were for. I think they were recycling thingies, for papers and clothes and stuff like that, but I wasn�t going to go around to the front (where the wind and the rain and the sand-blasting was) to check, so I told her they were dog-poo bins. I yanked Treacle onto my lap. She was just wearing a denim jacket and her little face was a bit blue. I cuddled her up to me. I think she thought I was trying to keep her warm as she snuggled in and wrapped her little arms around me. Well, DUH. Obviously, I was just using her as a wind-break.
We rather liked Littlehampton and have resolved to go back there �when its not so chuffin� cold!� (Jooj).
No plans for tomorrow yet � think I�ll have a look at the weather before I make any choices. Maybe blackberrying � fresh air AND free food!