Whine, anyone?

2008-04-01, 9:35 p.m.
Hello dears!

Look! Look how chirpy I can sound when I�m actually feeling miserable and crap and fucked off and I�ve got one of those weird headaches which makes you think like you�ve got a brain tumour cos it�s really painful but just in a tiny teeny bit of your head.

I asked the doctor about these once cos Id had one for three or four days and I couldn�t shift it. He said it was the muscles around my skull tensing up. Like cramp. But in my head. Yow. Generally speaking, this happens when I�m really really stressed out about something, so let�s do a little recap and see if we can figure out what it is�..

Friday morning I had a colposcopy, which is always tons of fun. I did threaten to go into a whole load of detail here to make all the chaps go all squirmy but I think I already did that the last time I had one so there isn�t a great deal of point. In case you haven�t been following that closely, a colposcopy is the snipping off of a section of girl-parts and the painting of such with something which looks like wholegrain mustard. I�m not sure what its for*. I think its punishment for having had loads and loads of boyfriends in my past as its generally done by a mad, moustachioed dwarf in a dirndl skirt who clearly hasn�t had a cock or two, or any kind of exotic avian for that matter. Anyway, its not the same as a colonoscopy, which is a camera up the bum. I know. I�ve had both.

Friday night we went to see Jooj�s school play. It was at the same theatre in Chigley where BF did his Big Gig all that long time ago and it was His Dark Materials (Golden Compass? Nicole Kidman? Something to do with polar bears and original sin? Can you tell I haven�t read the book/seen the film?). Anyway. It was over-long, over complicated and under-directed. Kudos to all the kids for having a go but I�m even more determined to not see the film or read the book now as it seems like right load of turgid crap. Jooj was fabulous, naturally, as were one or two of the other wee actors. The boy Jooj has a bit of a crush on (only a crush, he IS year 10 after all � year 10s NEVER look at year 7s) is, indeed, hot. If you are using the same Rules of Judging as a 12 year old girl (ie muscular thighs, no discernable acne, a big row of very white smiley teeth and a confident swagger). His mum was waiting outside after the show and was thoughtfully holding a can of Lynx for him. He made sure nobody was looking before giving her a kiss.

As Mater and Pater had come all the way from ChavVille to see the play and Sis was back from Belgium we all met up at the Palace of Many Sins afterwards for some chinesey takeout � where my lovely mother proceeded to rubbish me, snipe at me, countermand any request I made of my children and generally be a fucking bitch. When I said to BF �Why is my mum being such a fucking bitch?�, even HE couldn�t do his usual �I think you�re being over sensitive.� Cos, guess what, she was being a fucking bitch.

Strangely enough, once the kids had gone to bed and all the grown ups were chatting, she did actually say �You�re very quiet� in quite a nice way to me. I said �I haven�t got anything to say� as it was easier than crying and wailing �Why don�t you like me?�. I went and got the wedding invitations Tam had made so I could show Sis and then Mater was all sweetness and light again and being all nice and pally and like a proper mum. Sometimes I think she just does it to see if she can make me cry.

*I do really. What? d�ya think I just let vertically challenged, badly dressed women of a certain vintage hack away at my cervix just to assuage their own lack of action in their teens. Pshaw!


Sis is only back home til the weekend so I�m going down to hers on Thursday night to do a whole load of wedding planning and see if I cant make myself feel better about the whole thing. Its two months yesterday til I get married. You�d think I�d be all excited about it, wouldn�t you? I�m excited about BEING married but the other stuff is making me�.making me�.Oh, I don�t know. Its just a fucking irritation, m�kay?!

BF and I have seriously run out of money for the building works. We have about three weeks worth of wages left for the builders (there�s three of them now. Another Latvian (Maris) showed up to make the job go quicker. Apparently) and then we�re fucked. And I don�t mean �fucked� as in �we may only be able to manage 10 days in Gstaad this year darling. Still, there�s always Cap Ferrat to look forward to�. I mean �fucked� as in �We. Have. No. Money�.

The mortgage just went up by �400/month (or $800/month if you want to choke on your teddy grahams instead of your custard creams), which is naturally causing some concern. We�re frantically trying to renegotiate the mortgage to include a draw down facility so we will have a bit of spare cash. It wont make the payments any more horrific than they currently are and at least we can finish the studio so that BF can go and work in the damned thing and try and recoup some of the money we�ve haemorrhaged spent over the last 9 months. I got a payrise at work, which you�d think would help a bit, but it is such a desultory amount that, after tax, the extra bulk in my pay packet could only be accurately measured with the aid of a micrometer screw gauge. I am now firmly resolved to find another job. And am also firmly wishing that I had a �proper� job � the sort you see advertised all the time in the SitsVac � and not the �please don�t leave � here�s another wildly diverse yet vital project for you to work on� pile of wank that I currently have. Anybody know anybody within commuting distance of the south coast who might want a project manager/stylist/resources manager/event organiser/general fixer of stuff which other people have fucked up?


Saturday was mostly shopping with Jooj as she needed some new stuff. She and Treac are going to Florida for two weeks tomorrow. I would be jealous but they are going with Shagnasty. And AWee and her two whiny M & S kids. I�m told that they aren�t going to repeat the Holiday From Hell experience that my poor children had to endure last year � where each family took their own food and did their own activities, only regrouping in the evening to fight with each other (children and adults alike! What fun!). Still, having been to Florida (or thereabouts) with Shagnasty some years ago I can envisage one BIG PROBLEM. Shagnasty is distrustful of all food he doesn�t recognise and will pretty much only eat chicken and steak when he is on holiday. His restaurant of choice would be a grill room or something similar. Where no �weird shit� gets served. No couscous. No fish that hasn�t got batter on. No vegetables that cant be boiled for a fortnight. AWee is vegetarian. And a fussy one at that.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA

Saturday night we went to the workies with the kids and Lee and Anne Marie joined us. I�m not sure what�s going on there as they are still supposed to be split up but I really like Anne Marie so I wasn�t going to ask too many awkward questions. They came back to ours for a couple of hours of heavy drinking and mucking about and all was lovely.


Sunday morning I was rudely awakened by my dad banging on the front door � ready to do some decorating in the studio (that bit we CAN do ourselves, two qualified painter and decorators in the family is better that a whole Lada full of Latvians!). I jumped out of bed and leaned out of the top landing window.

�Daa-aad! You said 10.30! What sort of fucking time d�you call this?�
�I call it 10.30, you dozy bitch. The clocks went forward last night.�
�Ah.�

BF was all over the place, like a mad woman�s shit, at being woken up so roughly so dad and I had to go to B&Q and get the paint while he shuffled about looking shell-shocked and swigging coffee.

We painted the studio.

See!

me and dad

Dad�s got his mouth open a bit as he was saying �Hurry up and take the picture, you twat� to BF. I don�t have any eyes and appear to be channelling Harry Solomon in Third Rock from the Sun. We are the Care in the Community tradespersons. Note the matching outfits.

Anyway. The studio looks nice. There�s still plenty more to do (and more to paint!) but I�m sure it will all go OK in the end. Maybe.

The tendonitis in my wrist is so bad that I can barely lift a pen at work and have had a wrist brace on all day.

Funnily enough, it hasn�t stopped me doing this big fat update.

*shrug*

Later
S
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