I have some photos to upload. Quite a lot of photos. They will greatly enhance the entry I am trying to write but I CANNOT GET THE FUCKING THINGS TO LOAD. Photobucket managed to load one and then crashed. All attempts at jollying it along have failed miserably.
D�land also managed one��but it was the same one as I had loaded on photobucket. Then it managed another one but now its gone to sleep and doesn�t want to look at any more. Ive also kind of worked out (with my limited knowledge of complooters but excellent ability to subtract from 5,000,000) that I will not have enough room on d�land to fit on all the photos which are supposed to go with this entry.
Having had the day off today, I did think that I might get through the day without weeping with frustration � as you know, its only my shitty job which makes me do that�.oh, and sometimes BF � but its clearly my sole function in this world to bang my head on the desk and sob whilst clenching every single muscle in my body until I am so uptight that I am wearing my shoulders as earwarmers.
Still. I am having a hard time handling criticism lately. That means in order to get Smash and Stuart off my back I HAVE to update whether I like it or not. I cannot do the update I wanted to do as it needs the pictures but without the pictures I really have very little to tell you.
So. I had a day off today. And Ive got another one tomorrow. I figured I needed a day off as I was driving into work on Monday morning and my mind was completely blank. In a �I am pretty sure I should be concentrating a bit more than this as I am driving a sports car along country roads� way, but I couldn�t do anything other than stare straight ahead. We�d had storms on Sunday night and my over-riding thought, the one that was the ONLY thing keeping me going was �Maybe the office has blown away�.. Maybe the office has blown away AND caught fire��. Maybe the office has blown away AND caught fire AND a tree has fallen into the road and I wont be able to get there�. Maybe the office has blown away AND caught fire AND a tree has fallen into the road and I wont be able to get there AND another tree will fall on my car and will squish it and maybe break my leg so I can GO HOME.�
That�s not good, is it? To consider a fairly traumatic and serious chain of events as a plausible alternative to going to the office. I think I need to start looking for another job. Trouble is, I have a stupid job. A job created for me to stop me leaving the last time. I don�t know that it is even a proper job, of the sort they have in other companies other than Twat Inc. On Monday I compiled a set of process maps to document a proposed change to the function of my department and had a two hour meeting with Slaveboy to discuss the implementation of my proposals. Next week, I am styling a photoshoot for new products for this summer and next spring, which means on Thursday when I go back to work I will be wearing overalls and painting four giant plasterboard backdrops with two coats of emulsion and reupholstering a deckchair. Oh and I need to do some stats reports on my sales force, interview two Mystery Shopping providers and set out a program of targeted prospecting for low coverage areas, too. Tell me straight. Ive got a Non-Job, haven�t I? Meh. I feel miserable.
Today, I resolved to speak as little as possible, in the hope it would encourage my brain to start being something other than a vessel to contain stress. I drove to the outlet village and wandered from shop to shop, deliberately choosing shops with morose sales assistants so they wouldn�t try to start up conversations with me. I also went to Makro and didn�t get a trolley. I didn�t actually want to buy anything in Makro, I just wanted to walk up and down the empty aisles � sometimes stopping to work out what the VAT is on a catering pack of Lindt chocolate Easter bunnies. In the end, I bought a top which I thought I probably didn�t need but it was �4. Plus VAT. That�s �4.70. Then I drove into town and went in the wedding shops, looking for something to wear on my head for what is rapidly becoming known as �our bloody wedding�. As I am not a fresh faced 19 year old, no shop assistants bothered me at all. I just don�t look like a bride, I guess.
By the time I eventually got home, Id listened to enough silence to remember that I have a �girls night out� *makes face* to go to on Saturday and now I have a new top to wear to it.
Ive also just noticed that I have made two mathematical references in this entry. Am I secretly good at maths or something? Perhaps that�s where Ive been going wrong. I thought I was a cake making, sequin wearing, glitter-hound and I am actually Ruth Lawrence.
I did make a cake today. I cant tell you what it was because it was a non-cake. No filling, no topping, no extraneous flavours, just cake. Flour, eggs, sugar, butter. Splish of milk. I cut a couple of squares off it while it was still hot and Treacle gave it to The Latvian Builders. They said �Good Cake. Spongey. Yes.� Treac went red and looked at the floor because she�s not really sure about Latvian Builders.
I also made toad-in-the-hole today and it rose up like a giant puffy cloud. But crispy. And brown. And with sausages in it. Obviously.
As I am not going to work tomorrow, I will have another go at loading the photos but until then I will tease you with�..
Boingy Leg Springs
Latvian Ambassadors and
Sucker-Gun Suicides