You have to PAY to talk to me now!

2008-02-26, 9:41 p.m.
OMIGOSH! I am, like SO famous now!

Long and boring story which ends with me being even more fabulous than usual follows:

Juicy had had to pull an article from this months trade press as it was no longer relevant. This left her with half a page to fill so she said she was going to do a piece on Slaveboy. We�ve recently updated our company phone system so if you call my office you can hear Slaveboy saying �for finance, Press 1, for Facilities, press 2� etc etc. He IS the voice of Twat Inc. Our automated order processing system also has audio messages which come out of our clients computers and tell them that they have a message/order/some other shit they need to know about. You can choose a male or a female voice to give you this info. Until today, the female voice was a robotic automaton sort of thing and the male voice was Slaveboy. NOT ANY MORE!!!!!!
Now, the female voice is MEEEEEEEEE!

I had to have a couple of practice runs, with Slaveboy advising on the timbre and quality of my voice (�too porn-ish����too Maggie Thatcher���.�not Maggie Thatcher ENOUGH!�) until I got it right. Its all recorded and will go live on our system from tomorrow � just in time for the Mother�s Day rush! All over the UK, my clients will be yelling �Will you switch that fucking woman off, Im BUSY!� as I huskily whisper �you have a new blahdeblah order waiting� into their offices through the special powers of interweb pixie magicness and electrickery.

And. Get THIS. Tomorrow, Juicy must photograph me AND Slaveboy for her article. This means we spent a merry hour this afternoon coordinating our outfits for the photo. Slaveboy is going for the Alan B�stard look
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while I am, naturally favouring a more Paula Yates-ian pose
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Memo to self: Wash hair after posting this as currently look much more like Appalling Waste than Paula Yates.

I got googled for the word �Mamauah�. Im pretty certain that whoever it was, wasn�t expecting to find this little nugget, don�t you? I mean, obscure disco lyrics are a fairly specialist field as it is, without them being hidden in the diary entry of a middle aged suburbanite mourning the death of her almost-mother-in-law. There are only THREE Google picks on the word mamauah. And one of �em�s mine. Go ahead. Check. I�ll wait���..Seeeeeeee!

At the request of my menfolk (that�s BF and Lee, BTW. I just LOVE having men in the house. Anyone want to lend me their teenage sons? I will make them giant ScoobyDoo-esque sandwiches and I promise not to wear anything toooooo tight), I made macaroni cheese and garlic bread for supper. Actually, Jooj and Treacle made the garlic bread which may explain why it was pretty much Garlic. With a hint of bread. No matter � none of us had dates tonight.

BF had been back on the Zyban at yet another attempt at giving up smoking. Within three days I was ready to knife him and so he�s stopped taking it. He really is an absolute CUNT when he�s taking Zyban. If any of your loved ones suggest taking it, I�d urge extreme caution. The side effects can sneak up on you without warning and it aunt pretty. BF is going to give hypnosis a try now as he is very gullible quite receptive to that sort of thing. I think half the battle with that is �if you think it will work�it will�, so fingers crossed!

Probably no more entries this week � sorry, but work around Mothers Day (coming as it does this year hot on the heels of Valentines Day) makes for a very tired Stepfie.

Off to talk to my boy now.

Later
S
x
I fucked up that link up there but I cant work out what I did. Smashiedude, please feel free to hack in and fix it for me, Ive tried a couple of times now and its still fucked. Meh.



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