Last night was cool. Im not much of a fan of the Action Aventure film but even I have to admit that The Bourne Ultimatum IS exciting. When we came out, BF was beside himself with glee. There is absolutely NO shadow of a doubt in his mind that the character of Jason Bourne is DEFINITELY modelled on him. Particularly his fighting skills, car chasing and generally being totally cool and dispassionate about just about everything. All this despite BF being a big pansy that I can beat in an arm wrestle, who drives a Volvo and cries at ET. There was no convincing him otherwise, no matter how loud my hoots of derision.
That I�d had to explain several little plot deviations to him whilst the film was playing did nothing to lessen his belief that he could have, given the right encouragement (ie not sitting in his bedroom wanking over Sally James and listening to Rush) been a fabulous secret agent. He went for a piss in Frankie & Benny�s. Or he may have just been leaving a top secret coded message for one of his top secret spy pals in the third stall from the left, just behind the cistern. Perhaps if you piss hard enough on one of those blue floaty pissoir fresheners, they dissolve to reveal a microfilm explaining how the CIA framed the West African Potentate in return for arms. Or something. I waited outside, resisting the urge to look left and right, press my finger into my ear and whisper �target gone for a piss, sir� into my lapel.
On the way back to the car I could tell he was scoping out the Leisure World carpark for �Assets�. They were all wearing incredible disguises as all I could see were some fat girls in *ahem* �club wear�, waiting for a taxi. Oh, and a couple of little kids who had come out of seeing Harry Potter and were carrying wands.
The nice Italian restaurant we�d planned to go to for dinner was packed out so we went to The Jewel In The Crown instead and had some really nice Indian food. Definitely going there again, despite being initially put off by the distinct lack of punters in there already. One table of student types and two black nuns in white habits waiting for a takeaway. That�s not a joke, BTW. They really were black nuns in white habits. Like Negative Nuns or something! Sitting on a moquette banquette nibbling Bombay mix and waiting for some takeout. We (me and BF, not us and the nuns) shared a Tandoori Chicken Jalfrezi and an Ayre Tenga (which is a fish curry with tamarind and tomatoes).
On the way back home, BF got a text. Funnily enough, it wasn�t from Pamela Landy. It said something along the lines of �Hi Babe, long time no C, Wot U up 2? Alan Giv me yr num cos I lost it B4. Call me. Sami J xx�
We kind of knew it was a wrong number. Mostly because all the people BF knows are old and therefore spell their texts out in full, with proper punctuation and everything. And also, BF doesn�t know anyone called Sami J. However, in the interests of amusing myself I had him call the number anyway. While he explained to the young lady that he didn�t think he knew her and she may like to check that �num wot Alan giv her�, I heckled in the background, playing the part of the disgruntled wife. As it turned out, Alan, was also there wherever Sami J was, so she handed the phone to him. Then we realised who Alan was. A lanky streak of piss from our pub who sometimes gets gear for us and once rammed a bus by mistake when driving (his dads car � taken without permission!) whilst totally wankered. He made his escape by abandoning his dad�s car (still embedded in the bus) and running drunkenly away down the High Street. Needless to say, he�s not a criminal mastermind and was fairly promptly brought to justice. The twat. Anyway, Alan apologised for disturbing us � presumably as I was still heckling in the background, yelling �You better tell that Alan to tell that girl never to ring you again. Im your bloody WIFE ferchristsake� in a fishwifey sort of way and then biting my lip from laughing as I could hear Alan in the background going �his missus sounds right fucked off�.
High Drama.
Today, Jooj and Treacle came back from their holiday with Amish Dad and The Evil AWee. The less I say about that the better.
Within half an hour of being home, Treac announced that she needed new shoes for school so it was off to jolly old Asda to see if they had anything left which wasn�t also suitable for ballet. Ive bitched about that before round these parts so I wont do it again and we did manage to get some shoes which are reasonably substantial.
Then I was off to a jolly old audition. Actually, Im not sure it can still be called an �audition� as such if the director phones you and says �Will you be in this? It�s a good play and I need you to do it for me cos we only have six weeks.�.
Anyway, it�s a play based on the story of The Accrington Pals , so its not exactly a bundle of laughs. The part I�ll be playing is the one played by Brenda Fricker in the original production. Hardly a glamour role. I guess that means I have officially crossed the boundary from �Juve Lead� to �Character Cameo�. *sigh* Still, the rest of the female cast is pretty much all under 25 so I guess it was inevitable.
I have to do a northern accent. Whilst I know its not strictly geographically correct, Im basing the voice on the lovely Liz MacDonald off Corrie . The bloke who is playing my husband is quite dishy so it may not be too taxing on my acting abilities to blub uncontrollably when he gets blasted to bits in a trench in the Somme in the middle of act 2. Sadly, there�s no snogging. There�s a sullen teenage boy playing my son. I get to hit him around the head quite a lot, so its not all bad.
I am slightly astonished at myself for even entertaining the thought that I have enough time on my hands to do another play, but hey, I thrive on stress. Actually I don�t. I get spots and put on weight and have to take far more azathioprine than normal to keep me from spontaneously combusting and far more whisky than usual to stop me going after co-workers with the staple gun.
And all this whilst knocking great lumps out of my house, planning my wedding and convincing my boss that I am worthy of the promotion she hinted I might be in line for.
*weep*