The Morgan Effect!

2007-07-27, 8:41 p.m.
Im sick.

Not in a life threatening way. Actually, not in a �pig shagging� way either, since you were askin. But I do have Peggey�s cold (which has miraculously crossed the atlantic), complete with one blocked nostril.

Naturally since I am English and therefore have bad teeth and a nose like a potato�

(as any fool knows, all you Americans have perfect teeth and neat little bobbed nosies � Ive seen The Oh See, or whatever the fuck its called. Actually I haven�t, but anyway, we brits KNOW you are all perfect!)

�having one blocked nostril has resulted in what I like to call the Morgan Effect. One nostril (the blocked one) is big and round and like the sort you would see on the face of Morgan Freeman*. Not that I am black. Or a man. But I do have freckles so you see we DO have more than a passing resemblance going on here. The other nostril, the unblocked one, is having to do all the work vis a vis breathing in and out. A half decent inhalation causes it to compress itself into little more than a slit, a la Morgan Fairchild.

If I stand in front of a mirror and shut each eye in turn (Camera 1! Camera 2! Camera 1! Etc) Ive found I can create my own mini-series, starring the various Morgans. Im struggling with the dialogue a bit, if Im honest. Everything I say sound either pointless or racist, which I guess would make it the perfect vehicle for our two lovely co-stars. Sadly, the Eyebrow of Doom is on the Fairchild side which means she is putting way more into her performance than usual. The Freeman side also has a blocked sinus which is giving him (me?) a kind of �black eye without the bruising� look AND the trademark pained expression. *Gasp* Maybe she beat him up?!

I would like to complain a bit about how crap I am feeling � taking immunosuppressants (for other �proper� illness!) does tend to mean that when I get a cold, I kind of get hit by the Common Cold Express. There I am, just bumbling about on the level crossing, right as rain, when BLAM! Im just a sticky pile of snot. And shivering. And aching bones. But mostly snot.

However, there is one real upside to having a cold that is making me feel like a big shiny pile of shite, and that�s I GOT THE AFTERNOON OFF WORK!!! Yay! Yay! And Yay Again! Its worth every single germ-laden second.

Now Id like to complain about something else.

Jeans.

I don�t really like to wear jeans. Im not keen on the super low-rise ones (I don�t think anyone who�s had kids does!) so Ive been waiting for a slightly higher cut to come back into fashion. High waist ones are starting to come back in over here, but the designers who are designing them are all too young to remember how to make high waist jeans look good and their fucking it up REALLY badly. I recall one of my first Seck-Seeee items of clothing was a pair of Gloria Vanderbilt jeans of the type modelled by Brooke Shields for Calvin Klein. THAT�s how to do High-waisters, dudes!

Anyways, I�d put off buying new jeans for ages and then suddenly found a pair that looked really good, in S@insbury�s, of all places! The right shade of blue, high enough waist to cover up any squelchy tum bits AND ONLY TEN QUID! Much yayness abounded!

When I went to Enfield a few weeks ago for a meeting I found myself next door to a really big S@insbury�s so I thought Id go in and get myself another pair as its not somewhere I usually shop and I wasn�t sure when Id get another chance. They didn�t have the same colour but they had a lighter denim in the same size and same long length. Same price, �10!

When I got them home I put them on and they felt a bit looser than the other ones. After Id worn them for half a day they were so loose that I could take them off without undoing them. I tried washing them and putting them in the tumble dryer to shrink em up a bit, but they are still so massive that they are pretty much unwearable. Of course, now that I HAVE worn them, I cant take them back either. Arse.

The dark ones are fine. Ive washed them AND tumbled them and they are still fine. See, I look gorgeous in them , don�t I *twirls around and flicks hair in a Brooke Sheilds styleee*.

BF has gone out. I didn�t want to go. I�ll go out tomorrow when Im feeling better. BF just phoned to say he�s been to the shop to get me some Appletise. Maybe he might even get home before bed-time so that I can have some. *sigh*

Later
S
x

*I am slagging him off here for comedic effect, dear readers. I actually think he�s pretty much OK. Fairchild? Hmmm, maybe not quite such a cinematic giant, but Im sure she�s a pleasant enough woman.


PS Oh yeah. Haloscan seems to be a bit fucked. Sorry. I tried to get onto their message board to complain but it appears thats a bit fucked too. You might have to Note Me or email or something if you need to speak to me and Haloscan wont let you.



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