A Quickie!

2007-07-04, 9:36 p.m.
BFs cigarette count since Monday afternoon - two and a half.

BFs cigarette count for the same time period last week - a kafrillionty loads (and a half)

At least he's trying.

The doctor said his current bout of high blood pressure is largely due to him worrying about being dead before the week is out.

If he stops worrying that he is about to croak, he can probably put off the actual act of croaking for about 30 years (looking the wrong way when stepping off the kerb and thinking "Thats funny. I can hear the sound of a Bu..." notwithstanding, of course).

As we are going to see the vicar next week about getting married, I am supposed to be looking for my decree absolute to take with me but I cant find it anywhere. Is it terribly bad form to phone ones ex husband to ask for his copy?

Saw MiniMe yesterday. She was wearing a mint green halter top and foldy-up jeans with brown spiky boots. Her hair is Blackadder the First stylee and Ronald McDonald orange.

She looked like Dobby in drag

For Christ's sake click on some of those links willya. They took me ages!

I managed a curt "hello" before walking off. She totally fucked up the whole evening for me as I spent the rest of the evening (at school, Jooj's concert) wrestling with Good Stepfie and Bad Stepfie going "You should've smacked her one, you big pansy" and "Its been five years, dont you think you can afford to be a bit more grown up about this" in my ears.

Jooj has a transfer day for her new school tomorrow. She's been inventing a new persona for herself so she doesnt get her head flushed down the lav for being clever and middle class. She's changed her name to Ayleeeshyah-Chai and she's going to tell her new friends that my name is Carol and I work in Peacocks. Apparently that's more socially acceptable than having a mother who is a captain of industry (albeit one who is crap at it!). I have made her a packed lunch but made sure not to include any of the following: couscous, organic stoneground wholemeal bread, fruit which might be considered "exotic" eg apricots/cherries/pineapple which hasnt come out of a tin, taramasalata or anything 'a bit foreign'. I have given her �1 whcih she may spend at breaktime on anything which might make her fit in with her peers. I am unsure how much crack cocaine one might buy for �1 but it surely cant be enough to do any lasting damage.

We have also developed a "Lav Flushing" sound which we can use as code for "for fuck's sake dont say that at your new school". So far we have used it for:

This pasta sauce is lovely, mummy, home made is much nicer than out of a packet....SWOOOSSHH

I think I'll just go up to my room and read for a bit....KaSWOOOOSH

Whats the point of not speaking properly, it just makes you sound uneducated....KASWOOOOSSSHHHHYYYWOOOOSH

My child is a terrible snob.

later

s
x

PS (Several hours later) BF has just made me yell "SCreeeech! Fuck OFF!" by doing an impression of being sniffed in the face by a dog. He does it far too well (in that snuffly, all-over-your-face, just-about-to-lick-you way), its eerily realistic. Bearing in mind that I am very very scared of dogs, what amounts to a 6'5" randy Golden Retreiver smelling faintly of lager and going SnuffleSniffSniffSnufflySniff behind your ears and over your face is just HORRIBLE!



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