Monday

2007-03-05, 9:35 p.m.
BF is downstairs with one of the Junior Rock Gods. The JRG has brought a song of his own composition for BF to record, mix and produce. While I was in the bath I was able to listen to this composition, which I believe to be called �Gimme Some Love� as most of what I could hear involved the words �Gimme some love, gimme some love *mumble mumble mumble* gimme some (squeaky highnote) LOVE, gimme some LOVE *mumble mumble strummy guitar mumble*� It�s a hit fersure as it has a Dylanesque quality to it. Sadly this in the whiney vocal style and not in the technical brilliance of the lyric.

BF has offered my services as a vocal coach to this particular pimply youth on several occasions but, like most lead vocalists, he thinks he doesn�t need it. He does. In a couple of hours I could sort out the way he fizzles out at the end of lines and the reason why he cant quite reach that squeaky high note. Its not that high but he�s run out of breath by the time, he gets to it so he doesn�t stand a chance really. The twat.

When I finally got out of the bath and went downstairs to get my floppy disk from the studio so I could write this, I nudged BF in the shoulder and gestured towards the JRG.�Dude� I said �Give �im some love, willya, he�s been askin� nicely fer AYYYYges�. They laughed, but I think they were humouring me.

Made a fish pie for dinner. Had a bit of a moment in the kitchen and made fish pie with fresh (Not canned) tuna, giant king prawns and white wine sauce. Topped with yam mash. It looked funny. It was all the wrong colours. The inside was white and pink and the top was orange. It was delicious. Yay me.

Jooj and Treacle have gone to Shagnasty�s til Wednesday so I got to have a big long soak in the tub this evening with no distractions. Except the thought of kids-out-of-the-house sex later was making me feel super horny and I had to take BOB and the minty Durex Play into the bathroom with me. One day BF is going to yell up the stairs �Turn that thing off willya, I cant hear the Junior Rock Gods!�, but not today as I was very quick (!) Dunno what�s the matter with me at the moment, Im uber-horny allllll the time. Sent BF a sexy text at lunchtime and he just replied �Cool!�. �Cool!� �COOO-ool?� What kind of response is THAT? I wanted � I cant stop thinking about you and the astonishingly athletic things you�re going to do to me once we�ve had dinner and been down the pub for a bit�, not �Cool�. He needs a slap.

Anyway, just eased myself into the tub when BF shouted up the stairs that Scary friend was at the door so I had to get out of the bath, put my gowny on and go back downstairs. I was still feeling a bit fuzzy legged from the self-abuse hot water but I don�t think she noticed � she�s 85 feet tall and she wears glasses so I expect I was a bit out of focus. She�s getting married on Friday week and she wanted to check some last minute arrangements with me for the music in the church (BF�s playing) and to chat about her Hen Night, which is this Friday. I cannot get out of going without being a churlish and thoroughly miserable old bag, but Im not really looking forward to it. Hen Nights are always a bit crap, aren�t they? Ive promised her faithfully that I will not make her wear a bit of net curtain fashioned into an ersatz veil, nor an �L� plate (she�s 42 ferChristsake), nor will I force her to eat a banana-based dessert without using her hands (yawn).

*thinks back* The only time BFs got a bit �funny� with me is when I showed Bad Friend how to put a condom on using only one�s mouth. On a banana. In front of her boyfriend. That was a lonnnng time ago. Wonder if he�d still have a problem with that? Prob�ly not. He wasn�t quite so sure that Im a one-guy-woman in those days, I think. Well, one-at-a-time anyway. Whatever.

Got back in the bath about half an hour later and it was still fucking boiling. Like most women, I have my baths at the temperature of lava.

Yesterday afternoon, had to go and have a �summit meeting� with Shagnasty to talk about Jooj�s new school. It was weird meeting him in the pub where we�d had our wedding reception (there�s a restaurant there too) and I could feel the eyes of all his new pals on me as they wondered who I was. I left after about half an hour with nothing more resolved other than he definitely wants to appeal against the decision and thinks that he will win (unlikely). I have asked � demurely � if he would mind liaising with the Education Department. He thinks this is because I think he is better than I am at negotiation and closing a deal. Its actually because, if he brokers the deal and doesn�t get the result he wants, it cant possibly be my fault (for once). As he stood at the bar with his pint of bitter and his shiny bald head and his hideous flabby body, I really really did wonder what I EVER saw in him � and he wasn�t even being horrible to me. There was a time when I would have gone to the ends of the earth for him�now I think I would be physically sick if I had to kiss him. *shudder*. One day I will post a picture of him and you can all laugh.

Things to do this week:

  • Buy a new hat (for Scary friend�s wedding)

  • Go to Hen Night *Closes eyes. Shakes head*

  • Have proper date with BF on Saturday to celebrate finally getting rid of that fucking millstonehis house

  • Go to Jooj�s Parent�s Evening with Shagnasty and resist the urge to kick his fucking head in when he shows me up yet again with his total lack of knowledge about his offspring

  • Go to Treacle�s Parent�s Evening. Sit on tiny Year 2 chair with knees around ears and resist urge as above

  • Go to Jooj�s school, swiftly followed by Treacle�s school to read a story to their respective classes as part of Literacy Week or Book Week or some other dumbass government initiative to get the little buggers to read something other than TV Quick and a Custody Charge Sheet. Jooj�s class get a bit of Charlie Higson�s Young Bond this year (the death of Dumbledore last year) and Treac�s get The Gruffalo. Not because its particularly good but just because its easy to read and all the kids love that story.

  • Have TONS of sex. TONS. If I can still walk at the weekend I shall be disappointed

  • Cook stuff. Feed People. Gossip on the phone

  • Try to fix my fucking awful job so that I don�t get home at the end of each day with the urge to commit multiple bloody and vicious murders
  • until then dears

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