Knob Gag! Yayyyy!

2006-04-11, 9:36 p.m.
Right. A small revelation. I am sick to the back teeth with writing about my holiday. I have read back over the last two entries and wondered how I ended up writing such drivel. With the possible exception of the Bullshit Baffles and the Incredible Vomit Control, I was pretty bored with the whole darned lot.

Time then, for a knob gag. I wasnt sure if this was going to be funny or not as it happened whilst BF and I were under the influence (of respectively: a joint, some whisky, a bloody awful Monday etc etc)so I tested it out on Slave at work today. She snorted quite a bit (but that may be as she knows BF and Id threatened to sack her if she didn�t find it funny!) without further ado then....



Pillow Talk from the Palace of Many Sins

BF: *rummaging in underpants*
Me: What the Swansea are you doing?
BF: Making room.
Me: Making room! HarHarHar, never heard it called that before!
BF: *indignantly* It was all tangled up! Look! *Yanks out front of boxers and makes half-arsed re-arrangement motions* It�s uncomfortable!
Me: *peering in* Har har. *in best �stoopid� voice* So its not like inflating a Sausage Balloon then?
BF: WHAT?
Me: You know, one of those sausage-shaped balloons - the ones that are really hard to blow up. They kind of start from one end with a little ball of air and then they fill up till they get to the other end.
BF: *patiently* No-o. Not much like that.
Me: Awww. That would be so cool, wouldn�t it!
BF: WHAT?
Me: *drawing a diagram in the air* you know, if a guys cock got hard by��.BWAHAHAHAHA!!
BF: What NOW?
Me: *snorting* No, no, that would be really bad.
BF: What would?
Me: heeheehee, imagine a guys cock getting hard from one end yeh?
BF: Hmmm?
Me: Then at some point during foreplay there�d be a time when half of it was hard and half of it was HAHAHAHA swinging about all EMPTY. Like *THIS!* heeheeheeheeheehee!
BF: Hmm. That wouldn�t necessarily be good, no.
Me: HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
BF: You really know how to ruin a moment, don�t you!

Later in the proceedings, I tried to make up for this juvenile and unnecessary deviation from standard foreplay practice. I was obviously doing a pretty good job as, during a particularly spectacular paroxysm of delight (oh, give over, you know when I mean!), BF�s large and unwieldy right arm shot involuntarily outwards and upwards and he smacked me full in the side of the face. Hard enough to make me cry. Of course, the big ole doofus hadn�t intended to batter me at all (and he thought I was laughing, as I was clutching my face and making breathless squeaking noises). His contrition was utter and immediate.

Some time later I did have the good grace to think to myself, �serves you right, you dozy bat!�

I have attempted to demonstrate the source of my mirth by sketching what was in my mind. As I don�t have a scanner, I had to do it in M!cros0ft Draw (or whatever its called)

Sorry � picture didn�t work! Awwww. If you�re really THAT interested, email me and I�ll forward my artistic effort to you!

PS When Slave had stopped laughing, she did a fair impersonation of someone making a knob balloon animal (a poodle, actually) � including the bit where they pop the end into their mouths to make that bobbly tail pompom. I defy you to imagine that without at least smirking.

Right, Im done now. Back to the suburban dullness for next time (mebbe!)

S
x




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