Holiday Part 2!
2006-04-09, 8:25 p.m.
Sunday morning we drove down to Asd@ to stock up essential supplies (bottle of whisky, colouring book for the girls, crisps, bread etc) and then went along to Falmouth for a little look-see.Bizarrely, whilst Falmouth isn�t exactly the industrial hub of the western world, we did pass a small industrial estate wherein the firm of Something, Something and Something have their headquarters, proudly advertising themselves on a large hoarding in their car park as �the world�s leading manufacturer of peristaltic pumps�. Maybe Tom could get a job there, reverse engineering peristaltic pumps so that NOTHING gets through. Ever.
Not much to report from Falmouth, except BF got a new pair of trainers in a shop that was closing down. They have replaced his old trainers which had started to smell a bit. In the way the corpse of a long dead sea creature which has been dipped in dog poo and left in the sun for a few days might �start to smell a bit�. He�d started leaving them downstairs at night instead of bringing them up to the bedroom. Then he started leaving them on the porch. Before long he was going to start having to leave them in another street, in another town, in another hemisphere to escape their whiff. Which would obviously make it a bit inconvenient in the mornings when he�s rushing to put the bins out before the bin men arrive and has to make a 23 hour antipodean flight (with stop over in Hong Kong) in order to retrieve them.
Back at Stepfordcottage the kids played tennis (badly) for a bit. Then BF and I played tennis (rather superbly�..oh, OK, we were crap too) for a bit. I made a curry for supper and the girls went to bed. Then we did the usual joint smoking, whisky drinking, horse-arsing about before obeying the instructions on the road (!)
Monday morning and we�re into the holiday spirit now. Off to the seal sanctuary. Baby seals, sea lions, otters and a heron (which wasn�t an exhibit so doesn�t really count) to be admired. Mackerel to be chucked over the fence for the feeding of same. Jooj got hit on the head by a badly aimed fishy and BF and I laughed much more than was really necessary. �32 to get in and we were bored by lunchtime. Ate our picnic in the car and beetled off to St M!chaels Mount. Walked across the causeway to the castle and had a jolly lovely time, actually. Another �15 to get in but at least it was Nation@l Trust so everything was nicely laid out and the loos were clean.
Back across the causeway before the tide came in � pausing only to leave a stupid message on Tom and Tam�s answering machine, telling them that we were waving at them from the castle and if they could see us they were to wave back. As they were God knows how many miles away across the Bay, I think its unlikely, but we did it anyway.
Shepherds pie for supper and a big fat joint in the garden. Watched some porn on the laptop but it wasn�t doing anything for us. The girl looked like Lola Ferrari and the chap had more than a hint of Brian Harvey about him, which isn�t ideal in a porn star. Added to which, neither of them seemed to be having any fun at all, which Im sure isn�t how its supposed to be. When me and BF do it, its pretty much Always Fun.
Photographic evidence listed below. But not of the shepherds pie. Or the porn. Or me and BF Having Fun.
Sorry.
A seal wearing a silly hat. Or maybe its one of those thingies to help the santuary guys find it again when its out in the estuary. Maybe.
St M!chael's mount, in all its glory!
Jooj, Treacle and BF take a moments respite from climbing to the top of St M!chael's Fucking Hell Its a Long way Up Mount.
Ah, Tuesday. Tuesday, Tuesday, Tuesday. Time for Stepfordtart to meet her nemesis. The Theme Park.
Fl@mbards bills itself as �the best day of the week�. Well, OK. If the rest of the week panned out something like:
Monday: stick needle in eye
Tuesday: Eat one�s own poop (with Cornish clotted cream)
Wednesday: Shove a Cornish pasty up my arse
Thursday: Sleep with Shagnasty
Friday: Roll naked in stinging nettles and then rub Ralgex into the stings
Saturday: Tongue-kiss wino in piss-soaked bus shelter
Sunday: Go to Fl@mbards
Then I guess that might have a ring of truth about it.
I hate theme parks. The kids and BF had a flippin fantastic time. For part of it I was in shock at the �42 entrance fee. Then I got to watch them all having fun on the roller coasters and things that whiz round and things that go upside down. We found a big �History Experience� bit with all these wee houses full of oldy fashioned stuff. As pretty much everyone in the park was there for the stuff that makes you puke if you�ve just eaten a burger and stuff that you must be this tall to go on, there was no one in that bit. We had the whole thing to ourselves and wandered about looking at the Britain in the Blitz stuff, and the Victorian Shops bit and the RAF stuff and the LifeBoat stuff and wasted an hour and a half getting little snippets of history rammed down our throats. The kids loved the old fashioned shop and squealed every time they found something that you can still buy today. �mum, MUM, Look! Coleman�s mustard!�
As we came out, a man came rushing up to us yelling, �Im sorry! You�ll have to leave the park now. Go on, get out!�. We were astonished to see it was the Company Manager from the W!zard of Oz Tour that BF did last summer � In Fl@mbards working as Company Manager for the summer show that they put on in the AbysmalExcuseforTheatricalEntertainment Experience, or whatever. Bearing in mind this guy is a Liverpudlian, living in London, whom we last saw in Manchester 7 months ago, to see him in Fl@mbards, in the middle of Nowhereville, Cornwall, was a little bizarre. We exchanged hugs and �Omigod!�s and got a little backstage preview of the rehearsals for the show. I banged my leg really hard on a metal post as we were sneaking out but it was still nice to see him.
Got a hand-stamp so we could sneak out to the pub for lunch then it was back for even more fun.
Watched the �Live Birds Display�. Wouldn�t it have been so much more fun if it was a display of Dead Birds? Actually, there were some lovely looking tweeties there, parrots and other brightly coloured exotic looking creatures. Oh and an owl. And a hawk. Jooj and Treacle were blissfully unaware that the owl and the hawk were being enticed to fly about in an engaging manner by being treated to dead day-old chicks from a little bag round the handler�s waist.
Back into the biting wind for a bit more fun after that. Jooj and BF went on the roller coaster and I got a picture of them made into a keyring. They are both waving their arms in the air and whooping. One of them is having SUCH a good time. And it isn�t the ten year old girl.
More soon