I lay flat on my back watching the lightning through the little windows. Seething.
Saturday was bitterly cold but Sis and I left BiL to his DIY faffing and went for a big ole shopping frenzy. It�s a jolly cheap place to retail and I did it BIG TIME, despite my credit card not working at all after the first couple of shops. Didn�t think too much of it as I had plenty of cash with me, and Sis subbed me one or two purchases to be settled up later. Bought aromatic roasted chicken and fried potato take-away in the market, along with some shrimp and gooey-cheese fritters and several of the most stupendous cakeys (Oh Hiss, you would have SQUEALED!). Hauled the multiple shopping bags back to the house when it started to get dark and had a bit of a feast, listening to the rain�and the hail�and some more rain�and some snow�and some more rain. Had a hideous toothache and was grumpy and yawny but just put it down to the cold air on my face and a bit too much sugar.
BF phoned a couple of times, somewhat the worse for the drink, to tell me how much he loved me and missed me and blah blah blah. He was evidently on a bit of a bender with his Chum (the one of the birthday and the mushroom tart and the heavy drinking) and told me he�d been to the barbers. This is nothing extraordinary but something in his tone made me ask "What. Have. You. Done?" to which the answer was a cryptic "Well, I guess I was just missing you." Sis and I bantered a little about whether he�d had my name shaved into the back of his hair or some such and then it was bedtime.
Woke up at four. In AGONY. Soaked through with sweat, shaking and my whole face pounding. Felt like a gorilla was trapped in my head and was repeatedly and rhythmically headbutting me in the face, from the inside. Scrambled about in the dark looking for painkillers and trying not to wake everyone. The toothache was underneath a �vanity crown� I had had put in, right at the front, to disguise a crooked tooth that couldn�t be straightened. Obviously, I was convinced that I would have to have the tooth removed and would have a big gap in the front that I was going to have to pretend to not mind about because I sure as hell cant afford to get it replaced right now. I would mind. Id mind a great deal. Im sorry if I offend anyone who might be incisorily challenged but I do think that the only people who can get away with having a tooth missing right at the front are the sort of people who don�t mind telling you that they once got punched in the mouth really hard (like BF's Chum, incidentally). Went back to bed feeling jolly sorry with myself and trying to think of a way of explaining a big gap in ones front teeth that would still sound a bit ladylike (or corporate, or sexy, or grown up) � couldn�t think of a single one.
Sunday morning bright and sunny. Got out of bed � toothache GONE! Not a twinge! Felt totally crappy all day, which makes me think maybe there was more to my general malaise than a bit of toothache. Sis diagnosed �a viral thing. Or something" and prescribed "stretching out on the sofa with a book and not bothering to do anything" � unheard of in the Palace of Many Sins, where Good Queen Stepfie ALWAYS has something to do; cook,clean,shag,mum-stuff,sew,cook,hostess-stuff,cook,clean,work-stuff,etc etc etc.
Anyway, me and Frank McCourt renewed our acquaintance on the tomato-red Dralon, pausing only for a slice of quiche (the spinach was in really big bits which made it terrifically difficult to eat whilst lying down) and some cups of tea with some of those nice extra thin biscuits with the slivers of almond in them.
Felt sufficiently restored by tea-time to go with Sis and BiL to the exhibition of Ice Sculptures. Oooh, it was Lovely! I so wished BF had been with me to see the Ice Giant�s Castle and the Ice Mythical Creatures and the Ice Bar (with Gluhwein and animal skins on the ice chairs!) and to go on the Ice Slide from the top of the castle with me � just didn�t feel right to go on without him. BiL took photos, but obviously I cant post them as Im not a Gold Member (or something) � if anyone�s really that interested in Ice Sculptures do let me know, I could always email to you! Went to the wine bar for dinner and had a fab fish stew which I plan to replicate as soon as Im sufficiently flush to be able to buy all the different fishy bits that were in it. There were two guys in the bar providing the �entertainment� � I use the term in its loosest possible sense. Allowing for their astonishing lack of talent I was surprised to see that one of them was playing a jolly nice guitar of the type that BF plays. We had a bit of a chat about guitars and he invited me up to sing with them. I pleaded drunkenness and wriggled out of it, then Sis and BiL and I sang loudly over the top of every song they played, which they didn�t seem to mind at all � at one point we got a round of applause from the audience. Afterwards they came to chat again and Sis struck a deal with one of them over a second hand gas fire. Odd. Ive had loads of conversations with musicians when Ive been drunk but the subject of the purchase of pre-owned heating devices has just never come up.
Monday morning got a text from my bank to advise me that they had stopped my credit card due to unusual and unexpected spending patterns and would I please contact them. Went with Sis to get her hair cut. While she got snipped, I strode up and down the salon bellowing into my mobile and generally being jolly cross. The hairdresser and other punters seemed to find it most amusing, particularly the part where I said, "Oh, Im sorry, I didn�t realise I had to let you know every time I go away for the weekend. I thought you were my bankers, not my bloody parents!"
They promised to restore me to full buying potential within the hour. I promised them that, as they had disabled my credit card instantaneously, they could jolly well enable it again instantaneously or could put me through to someone who could close my account. They asked me to hold. I said, "I am in Belgium. Calling England. On a mobile. Do you think that�s an appropriate request in the circumstances?". They reactivated my credit card.
Sis and BiL and I packed up our stuff and headed for Calais for a most monstrous supermarket cut-price blow-out. I have JD, I have chocolate, I have gorgeous Christmassy nibbly stuff and Jooj has a new pair of jeans with the word "Rock" picked out in diamante Gothic lettering down one leg. She loves them. I am the coolest mummy in the whole wide world. Bollocks to Shagnasty.
Got home safe and sound.
BF has dyed his hair platinum blond. He looks kind of stoopid but hell, he doesnt work in a bank or anything. I guess that by missing me "Soooo much" he felt obliged to let Chum and an unknown barber (who needs a kicking) talk him into something really really quite unnecessary. A 48 hour bender with Chum had ensued in my absence. He has yet to have total recall which is a bit worrying as its now Wednesday but the bits Ive heard are mostly innocuous � some falling over, some complaining about the size of the Sunday roast in a restaurant, some out of hours drinking (and I don�t mean late-night stuff, I mean the sort of place where you can get a pint and a JD at 10 in the morning. On a Sunday) and a fair amount of making a bit of a twat of himself in our local. He didn�t punch anyone, or shag anyone or puke on anyone. No harm done.
We have brown hair dye in case he really cant live with it.
Onwards and upwards then�.
PS The kids laughed. I knew they would. Jooj, ever the diplomat and obviously mindful of how disparaging comments on one�s personal appearance can be wounding, said "well�.its�.ummmm��fun�! Do YOU like it, cos that�s all that matters really?"
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