Jooj has a diving lesson at 8.30am on Saturday which means we have to get up at stupid o�clock, even earlier than on a work day and then I get to watch her doing something that I could never do � not in a million years. No wonder I yank her hair when Im brushing it afterwards. She had a ginormous spot on the top of her arm today over which I exercised full mummy privileges.
Me: Don�t squeeze it, you should never squeeze a spot. Come here and I�ll (adopts scary Vincent Price voice) deal with it
Her: You wont deal with it, you�ll squeeze it
Me: Oh, for goodness sake, Im not going to hurt you and anyway, your hands are filthy, mine are clean
Her: No they�re not, you�ve been making burgers � look there�s all bits of burger stuff under your�OOOOOOWWWWW!!!
Me: Well, anyway its done now, stop making such a fuss � look at all the crud that came out
Her: Urgh mum you�re so gross��Lets have a look, then!
Between Jooj�s tweenager hormones and BF�s shoulder-blade stress acne, I need never have a spot of my own again. I can just feed parasitically (eeeuuuw, that sounds a bit gross actually. Maybe FEED wasn�t quite the right word) on the pustules of my loved ones. Joy!
Took the little blighters to a party last night in a very rough part of Chav Ville (oddly enough, exactly the place I told Shagnasty that I would go and live with the children if my divorce settlement wasn�t enough to buy a house in a decent area). The party mum asked if she could borrow a vocal mic and so I took one along. When I returned some hours later the assembled masses were �doing Karaoke�. Hmmm. I have a karaoke machine that Shagnasty bought me one year for Christmas. I used to sing only songs I knew really well and were in my vocal range. Never upset anyone, me. So the sight of 10 pre-teens bellowing I Will Survive with the reverb turned up to 11 was enough to make me want to weep. Mercifully BF wasn�t with me or he would have had to go for a lie down. On the way home in the car, I explained to Jooj about reverb and how to use it and we had a singing lesson. ("Woah, woah, lets both be in the SAME key shall we?") and by the time we got home she could sing it really kind of OK actually. Treacle was asleep in the front seat.
Jooj�s birthday in a fortnight or so. Taking her and her body-glitter splattered chums to see the new Harry Potter film. Unfortunately, as it�s a school night, the 7.30 show ends too late. The 4.00 show is too early so we�re left with the 5.10. Problem with that one is, when can we fit the birthday tea in? Cant do it before OR after. Cant send a kid home from a party not having been fed and, tho I say it myself, Stepfie can throw a mean party � even for overdressed mini disco queens and their pearly lip gloss. Kind of thought it might be cool to take along some treats boxes (like Happy Meal boxes) with a bit of party type food in, but What To Take? Sandwiches and stuff like that just seems too�.unspecial. Its got to be something that everybody likes, that can be eaten cold, in the dark, with fingers. Anyone got any ideas? Jooj was NO help as she eats everything and doesn�t really care whats there so long as its not still moving. Treacle suggested "chocolate����and sausage rolls".
Will make (and ice) 8 individual birthday cakes that they can take home with them (better than lighting candles in the cinema and asking everyone to sing along) but after that Im a bit inspiration-less.