Scoff, Sex and Singing

2005-10-23, 10:17 p.m.
1st of the weekend.

Went out to dinner with some new chumns last night - such a relief to go to dinner with someone who actually knows how to cook. We have many wonderful talented gorgeous friends. Sadly, those who can rustle up something edible is practically in a minus and it DOES put such a damper on an evening when the repast is either so heavy as to settle in great clods in one's gullet - forcing one to say "mmm, its lovely but I had such a big lunch" or, horror of horrors, arriving chez chums to find them squinting at a recipe boo and muttering "I've not made this before but Im sure its lovely - I didnt have any baby clams so Ive used fish fingers instead and the sauce has gone a big lumpy, cornflour IS the same as bread flour isnt it?"

Being permanently stony broke myself I can sympathise with the impoverished hostess trying to knock up something fabulous for 6 with only a couple of quid to go 'round, but ferchristsake, JUST BUY A PIECE OF NICE CHEESE AND A LOAF. The number of disgusting economy pasta dishes Ive eaten in the name of hospitality is legion. And another thing - if you cant do puddings, just buy some fruit. DONT GET A VIENNETTA. Viennetta is an abhorrent concoction at the best of times and should never be served to guests. It should be eaten direct from the pack, with a serving spoon, whilst shuffling around the kitchen in stained dressing gown and slipper-socks after being unceremoniously dumped by someone who was really quite a good shag.

Im sure I cant be alone in wishing that those who cant cook should just cut their losses and emerge triumphant from the kitchen trilling "toast anyone?" and bearing a tray on which nestles jam, marmalade, marmite and fishpaste.

Last nights warm king prawn and watercress salad/salmon in cream and dill sauce, hassleback potatoes and baby veg/ coconut cream pie/stinky cheese board was a delight to scoff and I made a jolly great pig of myself, even suggesting that we didnt "adjourn to the comfy chairs" to I could snaffle a bit more organic unpasteurised cheddar.

BF had done his nails in honour of the occasion and got a guitar out after dinner for a bit of a jolly old sing song - me and Lady NewChum duetting in close harmony on "Dream a Little Dream" prompted the chaps to nod sagely and go "Niiiiiice" to beams all round.

The runts (there's a pair of them - pair-runts...parents, yeh? geddit?) babysat and were jolly chirpy when we got back, Mater has a bit of a soft spot for BF so she's always quite difficult to get rid of, especially if BF has had a shave and is looking spiffy, which he did last night. Anyways by the time they went and we'd had a few more drinks I was fair gagging for a jolly rogering. Unfortunately the squillion vodkatinis I'd drunk rendered me totally comatose within 30 seconds of getting in bed. BF must have felt the same as we woke up this moring with the lights (and the sexy undies) still on.

Dont know how many times you've fallen asleep in sexy undies but they're arent so fucking sexy when you wake up in them are they? I looked a bit like I'd been in a collision with a truck carrying elastic bands and scraps of lace. There were little squelchy bits of Stepfie poking out where they shouldnt have been, and other squelchy bits of Stepfie bound tightly with straps and clips and generally anything that might leave a nasty red welt. Add that to the Alice Cooper mask I seemed to have slipped on in the night somewhen and...well you can guess the rest.

Our shagging tally is severely depleted at the mo due to the rehearsals/snot/coughing/new job combo. If we arent careful we are in real danger of falling to the level of shagtivity that our friends would deem acceptable. That cant be allowed to happen. We have certain standards to uphold and one of those is that we have MUCH more sex than anyone else we know. We cant shake our heads pityingly and snicker on the way home if w're not getting any more than....well, REGULAR people. Jesus Christ, BF will get chucked out of the Musicians Union if anyone finds out how little sex we've had this week. I propose a motion for doing it really AWESOMELY tonight and maybe that would count as three or four ordinary ones. Just in the interests of bringing the average up a bit, of course....

until then...



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