That�s my dress she�s wearing. It�s the one I wore to my 21st Birthday Party. Jooj is astonished at how skinny I was as the dress is pretty tight on her (and she had to undo it for sitting-down-and-having-her-hair-done). Don�t think she�ll still be fitting in it next year! No wonder my folks were always trying to get me to eat stuff!
I did manage to do all the shopping for the party � my mum came with me and provided a much-needed banking service. The flower wholesalers had some nice stuff in and I managed to get floral decorations and cupcake mountain all done by Friday evening. Im pretty pleased with how both of them turned out (which is much better than you would think from this picture!)
It was a nice, fun evening � Shagnasty and his family were conspicuous by their absence. Apparently they didn�t know it was �a family party�. Obviously I wrote my email explaining exactly that in Swahili by mistake. Shagnasty himself told me in a slightly panicky tone that he�d �already made plans�. I guess that meant he was out with Awee and was to scared to tell her he�d double booked himself, cos, like, it could be confusing to have to remember the birthday of EVERY daughter you have, couldn�t it, especially if you have, like, TWO of �em!! Anyways, we all breathed a bit sigh of relief (including Jooj) cos it just meant there was one thing less to worry about and we made sure we ate loads and danced loads and had fun loads and jumped around loads.
Couple of weeks time it will be Treacle�s birthday � slightly smaller scale (only half a dozen or so guests) and she wants a �space� theme. Any suggestions for games, decorations etc gratefully received!!
So. That�s the good stuff out of the way then! Lets fill the rest of the entry up with the usual amount of whiny crap.
Don�t get me wrong, I know there�s plenty in the world (and plenty here on d�land) who are having a much worse time than me, with much bigger problems than me, but hey, if I don�t bitch here, where can I bitch? Id have to��.ummmm��.tell people how Im feeling! Real people! And that would be SOOOOOO wrong B�s and G�s.
Welcome to Stepfie�s Whine Catalogue.
Only the finest whines for your delectation:
( I expect they did that. Boys used to shout stuff like that at my brother a lot, back in the early 80s. He would come home from college, hold me down and fart on me and then say �You gave Gary Brown* a blowjob in the bus station� or �You flashed your tits in Floaters** on Saturday�. He was always having to punish me for some serious show-up that I thought I�d got away with but had come back to haunt me in the shape of my brother�s gossipy mates)
*I googled him. He doesn�t come up. Thank God.
** Nightclub (now defunct) in ChavVille. Could tell you some interesting local history stuff there but I�ll save it for another time
�����I digress! Anyways, after looking in the microscope they have decided that they now need to chop off a big chunk of the inside of my foo. I�d like to think they are going to display it, like a piece of the Berlin Wall, with a sign saying �Stepfie�s Foo (fragment). Place of pilgrimage and worship for teenage boys throughout the 1980s�. But I suspect they are going to go �eeeeuww! That�s yucky!� And throw it in the bin. And then I will be all better apparently cos there is a 90% change of no recurrence of abnormal foo-age after such mingecedures. Hoorah!
As I found out about these schemes just a few weeks ago � nobody had sought my opinion or help with their planning, inception or functionality, nor even thought to tell me what they were hoping to achieve � I booked myself a week�s holiday for next week.
First day of my holiday = First day of launch of new scheme
Today I was asked to complete four remedial projects to be put in place on Monday. Sadly, although I have tried my best and have done all the groundwork (plans of works, correspondence drafts etc), in the ONE DAY I had, I will not be able to implement those Top Brass Ass Saving projects because, as I pointed out with immeasurable glee in innumerable emails this afternoon �I am at the dentist on Friday morning and will be taking a weeks holiday from Monday�. I hope they fucking well implode.
Yours, bitter and twisted�.but just a little bit smug.
S
x
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PS I forgot to say 'Happy Happy Thanksgiving' to all my little pondside chums - may you all have plenty to be thankful for in the coming year. *kisses you all*
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